My Story, Her Journey. From Misdiagnosis to Understanding by Anonymous

As a mom raising three boys with ADHD, you’d think I’d have seen the signs. My boys were all diagnosed young, with their ADHD showing up in the more “obvious” ways—hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and the constant need to move. I thought I had a pretty clear picture of what ADHD looked like. But my daughter? Because she didn’t fit the typical ADHD mould, I didn’t recognize what was happening beneath the surface.

When she was younger, I often marvelled at her energy. She was outgoing—always the first to introduce herself to new kids at the playground—and loved entertaining everyone around her. Her passion for drawing, creative storytelling, and ability to lose herself for hours in a book filled me with pride. She also loved to please and impress her teachers, friends, and family. As my first child of five, she was helpful and appeared mature for her age—a true old soul.

Underneath that bright exterior, though, I sometimes worried that she was trying too hard and cared too much about what others thought. But it didn’t seem to affect her. As a self-professed perfectionist (explained later), I overlooked how much she pushed herself to do more and be more.

As she entered her later elementary years, I could see the pressure she put on herself intensify. She didn’t just want to meet expectations—she felt she had to exceed them to prove her worth. When she couldn’t or when she upset someone, especially friends, her world seemed to collapse.

I began to notice my once-vibrant, confident daughter pulling away from friends, school, and even me. She appeared sad and anxious about things that never bothered her before. Her spark was fading. I chalked some of it up to typical teenage stress. After all, she was my first daughter, and I wasn’t an easy teen either—my parents reminded me of that regularly!

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, things got worse. She became moody, irritable, and constantly on edge. Her outbursts went from zero to one hundred, with no middle ground. It was like a slow unravelling none of us could fully understand. When depression hit, it hit hard. Watching her retreat from life and from me, when I thought we were so close, was terrifying.

Eventually, we ended up in a psychologist’s office, where she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. At first, it felt like we finally had an answer. But despite therapy and the new strategies we implemented at home, nothing seemed to work. She was still struggling socially, academically, and emotionally. It kept getting worse, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was still missing.

The Turning Point.

When the pandemic hit, and she was home all the time, we started noticing behaviours that didn’t quite fit with her mental health diagnosis. We dug deeper and eventually discovered that she had ADHD. Given our family history and everything I thought I knew about it, I couldn’t believe I had missed that she had ADHD. 

She had been masking it for so long—working twice as hard to succeed in school and activities to make up for her ADHD challenges. But that constant striving for perfection wore her out, and eventually, she couldn’t keep up anymore.

The Diagnosis Wasn’t Enough.

Though the ADHD diagnosis felt like a turning point, the worst was yet to come. Mid-morning on Easter Sunday, my daughter attempted suicide. We were all outside playing catch—it stands out in my memory because it was the happiest I’d seen her in a while. She went inside, and after some time, my husband asked where she was. In that moment, I felt something I had never felt before—deep, gut-wrenching fear. I found her and called an ambulance, terrified of what would happen. She was rushed to the hospital and, thankfully, survived. But I was left in shock, questioning how we had missed how deeply she was struggling.

After that, we received more intensive support and finally connected the missing puzzle piece—her anxiety and depression were symptoms of her undiagnosed ADHD, which had always been there. While we focused on her mental health, we hadn’t realized that untreated ADHD was the root cause of much of her struggles. Addressing ADHD was the key to truly supporting her.

The Takeaway.

October is ADHD Awareness Month, and I want to share an important takeaway from our story.

I had no idea that anxiety and depression are common misdiagnoses for teenagers, especially girls. In fact, 46% of females are misdiagnosed with another mental health disorder before being diagnosed with ADHD. Girls often don’t show the stereotypical signs of ADHD, like hyperactivity. Instead, it can manifest as inattentiveness, low self-esteem, daydreaming, or, in my daughter’s case, anxiety and depression.

Our experience gave us clarity on what to do next. We put better support systems in place. Therapy helped her work through the anxiety and depression, the school helped manage her workload, medication was part of her multi-modal treatment, and I learned more about how ADHD shows up differently in girls. A year later, I realized I was part of that overlooked statistic and was diagnosed as well (remember that perfectionism I mentioned?).

For both my daughter and me, life before and after an ADHD diagnosis is night and day. The diagnosis—and understanding how to manage it—can be life-changing. Once we realized that ADHD was the root of so many struggles, we began implementing strategies that made a real difference. The weight lifted. We stopped feeling “broken” or “less than.” Understanding how the ADHD brain works empowered us to approach challenges differently.

Awareness and understanding unlocked our true potential. My daughter has since graduated from high school and works every day to show up as the confident, vibrant person she truly is. As a mom, I want all my children to feel understood and supported. Now that I have a clearer picture of what ADHD looks like, I know the road ahead can be navigated with more certainty and joy.