Why It’s Okay to Need to Escape Your ADHD Brain (and Why Sometimes It’s Best That You Do) by Laura

Life inside an ADHD brain can be…unpleasant at times.

When everything feels like too much, it’s natural to want to escape. For years, I felt guilty about the moments I needed to put my own consciousness on pause, largely because of how I did it: sugar binges, social media scrolls, Netflix marathons that went on far longer than I intended.

But the guilt ran deeper than that. As a regular therapy‑goer, I believed the negative thoughts themselves shouldn’t go unchallenged. I thought that as soon as they appeared, I should be doing something productive with them: pulling out cognitive distortion worksheets, journaling my way through, making meaning so I could argue back.

But more often than not, when I turned my attention toward the spiralling thoughts in the heat of the moment, trying to challenge them, reason with them, or make sense of them, I would get completely taken out by them.
Instead of feeling relief, I would sink further into despair.

It wasn’t until I started learning about the nervous system (particularly through the lens of Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory) that I began to understand why this instinct, while well-intentioned, can sometimes be the worst possible course of action.

So today, I'm arguing why learning to intentionally and safely step away from our minds in moments of dysregulation isn’t a failure of coping, but a mission‑critical skill for anyone living with an ADHD nervous system.

Your Nervous System Shapes Your Entire Experience

One of the first things I learned about the nervous system that changed everything for me was this: our nervous system isn’t just reacting to life; it’s actively shaping how we experience it. This idea sits at the foundation of Dr. Stephen Porges’ work, which posits that:

• Your nervous system is constantly answering one core question: Am I safe right now? That answer quietly determines how you interpret everything else: your thoughts, your emotions, and the meaning you make of your experiences.
• When your system feels resourced and safe, you’re operating in a regulated state. The world looks manageable. Problems feel solvable. You have access to curiosity, flexibility, connection, and perspective.
• When your system does not feel safe or resourced, your biology shifts. Stress responses come online, threat circuits dominate, and the parts of the brain responsible for nuance, creativity, and problem-solving go offline. From here, problems feel heavier, options feel fewer, and your capacity to cope shrinks. Not because reality has changed, but because your internal state has.
• According to Dr. Porges, if that sense of overwhelm continues and crosses a critical threshold, the nervous system can drop into what’s called a dorsal vagal shutdown — a state where the body essentially decides, “I can’t do this anymore.”
• From here, energy collapses, motivation disappears, and the mind fills with heavy, hopeless, self-critical thoughts. Not as a personal failure, but as a last‑ditch attempt by the nervous system to conserve energy and keep you safe. Thinking becomes rigid and negative. Self‑compassion and creative problem‑solving go offline. The stories our minds tell skew catastrophic and absolute because the nervous system is prioritizing protection over accuracy.

Unfortunately, for the ADHDer, we can spend a lot of time in this state.  

Dysregulation is driven by overwhelm: when demands, stimuli, and internal pressure outpace the nervous system’s ability to regulate, recover, and return to safety. And this is frequently what is happening inside the ADHD brain. Our brains take in more and filter less, making overwhelm a common part of our daily experience. 

One of the clearest signs you’ve crossed that threshold of overwhelm is the tone of your thoughts: the harsher, more absolute, and more hopeless they become, the more dysregulated your nervous system likely is. 

So here is my argument: do not try to argue with a dysregulated brain. It just won't go well. 

Do not try to rationalize your way out of the spiral. According to polyvagal theory, you quite literally don’t have access to the circuits required for insight, flexibility, or kindness toward yourself. 

The Graceful Exit 

So the skill I’m inviting ADHDers to hone is something I’m calling a graceful exit.

A graceful exit is the intentional choice to step away from the mental spiral in moments of intense dysregulation.

Rather than engaging with those thoughts or trying to reason your way out, a graceful exit means giving your nervous system a safe, regulating way out of the spiral, and allowing capacity to return before you ask anything more of yourself.

I'm inviting you to challenge the idea you might have in your head that all escape is bad. Escape can be bad when it is unplanned, reactive and driven by dopamine. In those moments, we reach for whatever is most immediately numbing or stimulating, even if it ultimately leaves us more depleted. But when done with intention, escape can be adaptive, not pathological.

Below is a list of a few of my own favourite ways I like to exit gracefully from my mind in moments of dysregulation: 

• Jigsaw puzzles
• Podcasts 
• Audiobooks 
• Reading fiction
• Drawing / painting

Closing: Regulation First, Reflection Later

If there’s one permission I hope you take from this, it’s this: you are allowed to step away. You are allowed to stop engaging with your thoughts when they’ve turned harsh, absolute, and overwhelming. You are not giving up. You are changing the order of operations.

First, exit the spiral. Second, help your body regulate. And only then, come back to reflect, process, or make meaning of the painful thoughts.

You may just find that a surprising number of your meanest thoughts don’t survive a regulated nervous system!