Meeting the woman I didn’t know I was all along by Sally

I have always been a happy go lucky, caring, hardworking woman with high expectations for myself. However, on the other hand I struggled with frequent anxiety, worries, self-doubt and scatter-brained-ness. It wasn't really until I became a mother in 2019 that the weight of my anxiety truly began to feel like far more than I could handle. At six months postpartum, the world around me flipped upside down—the COVID-19 pandemic hit. All the comforts I had once relied on, like having my parents just 10 minutes away, were suddenly stripped from me. Like so many others, I found myself navigating this new reality away from those who are most important to me without a predetermined end date.

My return to work as a teacher following motherhood and living with our ‘new normal’ only amplified my struggles. My anxiety skyrocketed, and with it, bouts of depression and physical changes, such as a significant weight gain. I could feel myself floundering at home, in my marriage, and at work. I hardly recognized myself both mentally and physically. I had a constant sense of being behind, unable to catch up with the simple tasks I had forgotten or done poorly. My to-do list grew and grew, and I couldn’t seem to check anything off.

It was during this time that I sought help. After a tearful phone call with my family physician, she recommended I start with bloodwork to check my thyroid, and to seek the support of a psychologist. I was soon diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I started taking medication, and it did help ease some of the immediate symptoms of anxiety. But something didn’t quite feel right. I wasn’t thriving—I was just surviving. The feeling that I was failing at the simplest things remained and I continued to question what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I keep track of things? Why couldn’t I follow through what I needed to do? I couldn’t help but feel like I was drowning in a sea of responsibilities that I just couldn’t manage.

Then, one day, my psychologist asked “Have you considered that ADHD might be a possibility?” At first, I brushed it off. ADHD? Me? I didn’t fit the stereotypical image of what ADHD looked like—especially not as an adult woman. But my psychologist wasn’t giving up. He was persistent, and eventually, he said, “I’d bet my license on you having ADHD.”

I finally took his advice seriously. I started reading everything I could about ADHD—particularly the inattentive type, which didn’t align with the stereotypical hyperactive image I had of ADHD. As I read about inattentive type ADHD presentations in women, it hit me: this is me. Every article, every symptom list—there it was. I checked every box. I had spent years struggling with these symptoms, not understanding that they weren’t a sign of failure, but of a condition that many live with. Moreover, because of the more silent symptoms of girls and women, ADHD was often missed or misdiagnosed.

I returned to my family physician with the theory of my psychologist. She requested that he forward her his notes, and that I fill out a screener. We booked a follow up appointment within 2 weeks and armed with all of this information the process of getting diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD was a surprisingly smooth one. With the right medication, therapy, and a shift in focus to managing my ADHD tendencies became the turning point I had been desperately seeking.

The transformation that followed was nothing short of life-changing. For the first time in years, I started to thrive. I could focus. I could get things done. At work, I became more involved and engaged in every facet of the job. I started taking on leadership roles that I had previously avoided. At home, I was a better communicator with my partner (emphasis on better, not perfect!). I found exercise that I actually enjoyed. I stopped binge eating due to stress and began losing the weight I had gained in those years of emotional turmoil. I even started a side hustle, diving into my passion for art.
I am still far from perfect, but I’m learning to embrace the fact that struggling with ADHD doesn’t mean I’m lazy, incompetent, or incapable. In fact, it means I have strengths that others might not even realize are possible. ADHD has gifted me with a unique perspective and creativity, and it’s given me the tools to succeed in ways I never thought possible. It’s a part of who I am, and I’m learning how to navigate it, not let it define me.

While all of these exciting changes took place, not every moment was celebratory. I mourned the years I spent not understanding why I struggled the way I did. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me, when in reality, I was just struggling with a disorder that wasn’t widely recognized in women like me. It’s a hard thing to realize that I could have been living differently, but I also find peace in knowing that I’m here now. I’m thriving, learning, and growing. And that’s all I can ask for.

The journey isn’t easy, and I know there will be days when I feel overwhelmed, but I no longer feel alone in it. ADHD, while a challenge, has opened doors to strengths and possibilities I never thought I could unlock. It has shown me that I am capable, that I am worthy, and that I can take on life—not in the way I thought I would, but in the way that’s true to me.

If you're struggling, I want you to know that you are not alone. There may be a reason for the struggles you face that you haven’t yet discovered. Keep searching, keep learning, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You might just find the answers you’ve been seeking—and it might change everything.