Tell us about your experience with ADHD
When were you diagnosed, or suspect that you had ADHD? How has it impacted your life?
That’s a much longer story than time will permit. To be short, I was diagnosed in November 2023 at 43, almost 44 years old. I have worked in Mental Health since I was 19. Oh boy, did we drop the ball! I always joked I had it, but it wasn’t until I was whining to my BOH that I was no longer sleeping when she asked me if I’d ever considered medicating my ADHD, to which I said I don’t have ADHD, really, I just joke. Essentially, she told me to get a clue lol she’s known me since I was 17. It completely threw me and caused a blowup in my life and existence. I reached emotional lows I wouldn’t have thought myself capable of. The last time I was told to thoroughly answer that question was 20+ pages.
What has been the biggest challenge living with ADHD?
This could be in school, work, relationships, your mental health, etc.
Existing in a world not meant for you is hard. My challenges began long before I was aware with parents who were teachers, but still don’t believe ADHD to be real. As a result, I have spent my entire life being told if I’d just try…. So it affects everything. I never completed University, and have struggled working. Then, since the diagnosis, especially, I feel like it has cost me everything. I have an amazing circle of friends, but I couldn’t maintain my existence, and after losing my job, where everyone thought I fit well, I lost control of everything. Almost taking my own life after many traumatic medical experiences. Trying to find my way again with much support, medication, and a diagnosis, but it’s hard. I dug a deep hole that I am nowhere near clear of. I had never maintained a romantic relationship and had sworn off men. The only reason I believe I’m here is that in all the chaos, I met my husband, and he’s amazing and has been there for me.
What strengths or unique qualities do you associate with your ADHD?
Is there something about how your brain works that you appreciate or celebrate?
I always have and will refer to my many gifts from ADHD as my superpowers, and many who know me agree. Also being a firstborn daughter, in a small town etc., I have had many of the tick boxes against me. But ADHD makes me amazing at my job, I see things so much faster and detailed than most others. My brain works at a speed fast enough that I keep up with the most troubled youth, plus my personality just attracts them. I don’t even know half my own trauma story, but I have a very deep empathy for those I work with. When I can focus can read a novel in a few hours as my brain goes fast when reading. I am very ADHD and so creative, so I think that I can make things work that others can’t. The off-the-wall ideas and new hyper focus things only add to my strengths. I believe that had it been seen when I was younger and someone had taught me to use my brain power properly, there isn’t anything I couldn’t have done.
How has your identity (age, race, gender, culture, etc.) shaped your experience with ADHD?
Feel free to reflect on how ADHD intersects with other aspects of who you are.
So, as a late-diagnosed Caucasian woman… my story sounds like a lot of others out there now that I know where to look. However, being that makes life challenging. There are very few supports that exist for someone in my position. Funding to complete my degree has been denied for the last 25 years, because I am not in a minority group there is no support for most things. The $300 a year I have access to through my work benefits to help treat mental health is it. I would rather poke my own eye out than have to talk on the phone or video, so the many online options that exist just don’t benefit me.
I lost my job, and ADHD can be completely blamed for that, as it can for the huge financial hit that resulted from it. Being a woman in perimenopause, I also sound crazy a lot of the time. Any support groups I’ve seen get too focused on those with kids, which I was never lucky enough to have. For many women in my position, in the ones I can access are no longer working because they have the support of disability. Well there is no funding for me for that either. I was told it hasn’t affected my life significantly enough to qualify for any support.
Now, I advocate for children with mental health supports multiple times a day every day, so it’s not that I don’t know where to look, but there just isn’t anything that helps me find something.
I got accommodations when I returned to school, but having just written a final, my response to them was I don’t know how anyone thinks that helps an ADHD brain, but thanks for the torture hope I didn’t disassociate too much and fail like I did the midterm despite having a 94% average before it. I know the material…which of course sends me back to trauma from school as a child, that I just can’t do it, and am not smart enough!
I could go on and on, I am sure, because I have the gift of super self-awareness with ADHD, but can’t translate it into effective action for myself.
What do you wish more people understood about ADHD?
What myths or misconceptions would you love to bust?
All of them! My biggest struggle is having parents who don’t believe my struggles are real, so of course, I hold fault for all that is wrong in the family with zero support. Many people feel that way. I hear how it’s fake and everyone has it, I’m too lazy to have ADHD. But you point out all the very ADHD behaviours I show as faults, but it’s not real. We live in a frustrating world where people are not treated as equals, and support is not available to everyone. I’m speaking from the perspective of an employed woman because I have yet to even find a support group to join that doesn’t become about how to manage children.. might have helped me when I was a child, but I am not.
What has helped you the most in managing or embracing your ADHD?
This could include tools, therapy, community, mindset shifts, medication, etc.
I am still looking for that. Medication made my life significantly easier it calmed the chaos. However, being told I was going to have to come off of it led to me saying I’d rather die. Because it is now affecting my heart rate. My doctor and I bargained; he gave me additional meds to help my heart so I could make progress in mental health, and then we will reevaluate when I am more emotionally stable. This has also led me to try all the non-medication things.
Why do you want to share your story during ADHD Awareness Month?
What motivates you to speak up now?
I have worked in mental health for many years and very much identify with people’s struggles, but also am very good at solutions for everyone but myself. I also believe we are not going to end the stigma ever if we keep it quiet, and had I been able to express my struggles many years ago, I might have had a different, far less traumatic life.
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