A suitable working environment can make a huge difference for someone with ADHD. When a person with ADHD leaves a job, they often mention a lack of support from their employer as the main reason why they decide to move on. Managing an employee with ADHD can be very rewarding, provided that time and effort is taken to understand how the disorder impacts the employee and their responsibilities at work.
Here are some of the most common FAQs about ADHD and the workplace.
Q: What is ADHD?
A: Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the most common neurodevelopmental disorder in children and adults, affecting 3-5% of adults and 5-9% of children or 1.8 million Canadians (Riegler et al. 2017, statistics Canada, 2022).
While core ADHD symptoms include hyperactivity, impulsivity, and attention dysregulation; hyperactivity and impulsivity may be less externalized in those diagnosed with ADHD inattentive subtype. ADHD is also known to impair executive functions (EF). Executive functions refer to a range of higher-level skills critical for successful functioning in everyday life, such as planning, organizing, time management, working memory, processing speed, task initiation, emotional regulation, and self-awareness (Gair et al., 2020). Executive functions impact one’s ability to meet deadlines, plan and organize, problem solve, follow instructions, start, and complete a task, and manage emotional outbursts (Villines, 2021).
ADHD is a chronic condition; only 15% of children with ADHD show remission of symptomatic and functional impairment in adulthood (World Federation Guide, 2019). ADHD is highly heritable with rates between 70-90%, meaning if a parent has ADHD, it is highly likely their children will also have ADHD (Faraone and Larsson 2018).
ADHD impacts all areas of a person’s life. Untreated ADHD can lead to devastating consequences over the course of a person’s life. Children are at risk for accidental injuries, educational underachievement, and difficulties with socializing, while adolescents are at risk for early-onset substance use, delinquency, and teenage pregnancy (CADDAC, CADDRA, CanReach, 2022). Many adults fail to reach their full potential, with studies showing increased risk for substance use disorders, accidental injuries, unemployment, gambling, low quality of life, suicide, and premature death (CADDAC, CADDRA, CanReach, 2022).
Q: What are some of the most common ways ADHD appears in the workplace?
A: How ADHD impacts job performance depends on many factors – the type and severity of symptoms, the suitability of the job to the employee’s strengths, and how successfully the employee uses strategies to offset any of their weaknesses. Here are a few of the most common ways that ADHD shows up at work:
Read more at https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Workplace-accomodations-Chart-FINAL.pdf
Q: Should I disclose my ADHD diagnosis at my job?
A: This is a very personal decision and remains a controversial topic. Disclosing your ADHD to those who may not understand the condition could lead to your being viewed negatively, since stigma and misunderstandings about ADHD still exist. On the other hand, if your employer is open to discussing the implementation of accommodations, but requires a reason that they are required, disclosing your ADHD could be very beneficial.
Your employer will need to understand ADHD as a medical condition with symptoms that can impact job performance, both positively and negatively. Providing personal examples of how your ADHD impacts you would be beneficial.
An alternative approach to full immediate disclosure could be to initially meet with your supervisor to request certain adjustments in your work environment that you feel will make you more productive. Work your request from an angle of strength, using positive statements like “I work best in an environment with fewer distractions. More frequent check-ins would help me to stay on track and get those large reports to you on time.” Or try, “I am at my peak efficiency in the early morning when the office is quiet. I was wondering if we could schedule my tasks in order to take advantage of my peak productivity.” Don’t call these “accommodations” unless you have decided to formally disclose. Frame these difficulties in terms of solution-oriented goals.
If you do decide to disclose and receive immediate resistance, you may wish to gently point out to your employer that ADHD is considered a disability by Human Rights Commissions. Although at this point of the discussion, things should be kept as amiable as possible.
Q: I need more support at work. How should I request accommodations?
A: Some adults may feel very uncomfortable requesting any type of special consideration. They may feel that they will be viewed as incompetent or making excuses. They may worry that coworkers may resent them for receiving special treatment. But viewing accommodations as a means to your becoming more productive and ultimately a better employee would be a better way for both you and your employer to view these requests. Before requesting accommodations, take some time to think about:
Q: What are some reasonable accommodations I can request at my workplace?
A: Adults with ADHD will differ in the type and quantity of accommodations required. A process of trial and error may be required to discover the best possible options since ADHD symptoms are very individual. It is important to note that in some cases, just a few simple strategies and accommodations may significantly increase both job performance and job satisfaction. A few examples of reasonable workplace accommodations include:
Read more: https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Workplace-accomodations-Chart-FINAL.pdf
Q: I work from home, how can I stay focused?
A: While working from home, impairments that may have been under control in a structured workplace environment will likely resurface. Inattention, distractibility, hyper focusing and procrastination, difficulty with time-management and organization will probably become more of an issue. Once you understand what could be causing an issue, try putting some of these strategies in place:
Read more: https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Working-From-Home-with-ADHD-Tips-and-Strategies-2.pdf
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, fill out our presentation request form!
Children can lose up to 40% of the learning gains they have made over the school year if stimulating learning opportunities halt over the summer months. There’s extensive neuroscience research evidence that taking an extended break from learning during the summer can impact students’ retention and engagement for the next school year according to research published in the American Educational Research Journal.
“But we need a break!” I hear you. Many students and parents are counting the days until summer vacation for a well-deserved break. It’s a great time to rest, rejuvenate, and hit the reset button. It’s also the perfect opportunity to apply the tools and strategies learned during the academic year to carry out non-academic tasks, significantly contributing to building a child’s essential executive functioning skills toolkit.
What are executive skills, and why are they important?
We rely on our executive functions in our daily lives, from planning our day to remembering to pack our lunch or mapping out our next road trip. They are developmental in nature and are housed in the brain’s ‘management department’ and are essential contributors to tasks being carried out and completed. Adults often take these learned skills for granted, assuming children will “naturally learn” how to organize, stay focused, persist, prepare, and plan.
However, for a child with ADHD, lagging executive skills are inevitable and can be the root cause of stress, anxiety, shame and frustration at home and school. A youngster with an ADHD diagnosis can delay their executive function skill acquisition by up to 30%.
Youngsters with weak executive skills can be disorganized and forgetful, need help getting started on assignments and easily get distracted from non-preferred tasks. They can also experience challenges regulating their emotions due to frustration and overwhelm. However, the good news is that these skills can be taught, learned, and practiced in both formal and informal situations. With patience, practice, persistence and, most importantly, positivity, adults can foster the development of these essential skills in their children.
What can parents and caregivers do to help develop these skills?
Learning is a habit. Training one’s brain and keeping it active and strengthened is just like keeping one’s physical body in shape. You need to keep at it consistently to see noticeable results! Anyone who has taken two months off from the gym knows what I am talking about. The brain is no different.
But don’t worry, you don’t need to convince your young person to bury themselves in textbooks and rigorous online academic classes to stop them from falling behind over the summer break. Instead, consider providing your youngster with real-life opportunities to build and reinforce their essential executive functioning skills over school breaks.
Here are a few simple ideas that our students and parents find especially helpful and fun!
The more consistent we are with helping our students build executive function skills year-round, the more success the student will experience. Consistency with new habits is a crucial element to transformations in behaviour. When we are consistent in building these skills, we see momentum leading to healthy life-long habits. By actively avoiding the summer brain drain with naturally engaging opportunities, you will be surprised how prepared and confident your child will feel for future learning and life.
About Samantha, Founder, Kaizen Education Services
Over 25 years ago, Samantha Woods, Founder of Kaizen Education Services, recognized that her students’ success in life goes well beyond intelligence and academic skills. After taking a neuroscience research hiatus, Samantha discovered that lagging executive functioning skills were at the root of many of her ADHD students’ challenges. Since then, she has developed a successful executive skills coaching program for students and adults who live with an ADHD diagnosis and recognize that building these invaluable skills can lead to a lifetime of success and peace. Samantha now spends her time presenting and sharing research based practical tools & strategies with educators, parents and anyone invested in making good change (Kai-zen) happen with a young person in their life. Her latest passion is building Kaizen’s “Brain Hub Academy,” an online digital ADHD coaching platform to strategically teach these essential skills to students of all ages across the world.
Kaizen Education Services is a social enterprise focusing on executive brain functioning development from the classroom to the boardroom. Kaizen is currently transforming their in-person executive skills coaching program to a digital platform so more adults can feel empowered to support the young people in their lives.
David Martin (he/him) is a risk and cyber leader with a passion for writing about humanity, neurodiversity, and, more recently, generative ai.
David holds a degree in arts from the University of Toronto and is happily married with two children. He enjoys listening to music, playing guitar and piano and sharing insights and experiences through his writing. David also publishes his ai-generated art daily on https://instagram.com/papercutscafe.
At age 53, I received a diagnosis that would change my life: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This revelation was surprising and transformative, shedding light on a lifetime of misunderstood experiences and behaviours.
Before my diagnosis, I went through life like a novel with missing pages, attempting to comprehend a story that seemed to leap over vital information to the storyline. I was often lost in my thoughts, and impulsivity was my frequent struggle. There are many stories I can tell that upon reflection were symptoms of my undiagnosed ADHD. I’ll share a few of these in my story below.
As a teenager, I fell behind on a project in Computer Science - writing a short program in BASIC. Instead of owning up my failure to complete the project to the teacher, I copied a friend's floppy disc (it was the 80s). The teacher caught me, and we were both held accountable for my actions.
My actions, often regrettable in hindsight, were even a mystery to me. This impulsivity, coupled with an inability to communicate my feelings effectively, strained my relationships and led to bouts of binge drinking in my youth.
In University, I had a big crush on a friend. When she showed affection for another guy, I ended the friendship altogether. The last time we spoke, she called to ask if I wanted to get together sometime,
I simply said, "No, I'm bored with that." I still don't know how I could have said something so hurtful, yet for years afterward, I thought we had just drifted apart, having forgotten the conversation entirely.
Professionally, my ADHD manifested as missed deadlines and forgotten deliverables. Despite my friendly demeanour and eagerness to please, my performance suffered. I was a serial starter, always excited about new projects but rarely seeing them through to completion. Financially, my impulsivity led to spontaneous purchases and unused memberships, further complicating my life.
For example, I must have signed up for new gym memberships at least 5 times between 30 and 45. In most cases, I signed up and visited the gym once and never returned until cancellation.
At work, I consistently received average to above-average scores on my performance. My ratings were often negatively influenced by the tasks and projects I forgot to complete. And yet, I still found myself promoted occasionally, eventually achieving the level of Director where I work today.
These achievements may have been due to my inherent abilities and willingness to work hard to solve problems. It may also have been my ability to successfully mask many of my symptoms of an ADHD diagnosis of which I had no knowledge.
The turning point came when my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. She struggled in school, and as early as age 7, she often forgot to record assignments on the blackboard at school. She struggled to succeed in middle and high school and was highly anxious about homework and projects. While she found some relief, like me, through psychotherapy, it was not enough. She researched ADHD symptoms on her own, perhaps inspired by posts on social media about the condition.
Initially skeptical, I began recognizing my symptoms as I delved into my own research about the disorder. Through many books and online tests, this realization led me to seek a professional diagnosis.
To receive the assessment, I needed a referral from my family doctor and an initial investment of $500 of the $2500 fees from the clinic she recommended. I wasn't provided with an initial interview or intake for nearly 3 months and was at risk of losing my place and deposit if I wasn't available for that first interview.
The assessment process took nearly eight months and involved a series of appointments with psychologists, psychometry, and psychiatrists. Except for the initial interview and final diagnosis, each meeting was with someone different at the clinic.
I had to complete offline questionnaires, and my partner was also given questions to answer. The clinic asked for my school records to check for early signs of ADHD, but this paperwork was lost to time (and perhaps to ADHD). All of this work happened at the tail end of the height of the pandemic.
I was already suffering anxiety from the experience of COVID19, let alone the ADHD assessment process. But I made it through the assessment and in the end, was diagnosed with ADHD 'combined type.' I understand this classification has fallen out of favour in some circles, but I suppose it remains somewhat relevant.
My ADHD diagnosis was a relief, but it was also the beginning of a new journey. Treatment options included medication, management techniques, and psychotherapy. Having already explored psychotherapy and various management tools, I opted for medication. I started on a low dose of Vyvanse (Lisdexamfetamine), gradually increasing it until I found the right balance.
The impact of the treatment was profound. The constant 'noise' in my head quieted, and I became more focused and attentive. I had the energy to pursue a healthier lifestyle, resulting in significant weight loss and increased physical fitness.
Creatively, I was able to set and achieve goals, and my career began to flourish as my improved focus and productivity were noticed at work.
Since my diagnosis and treatment, my life has transformed in several significant ways.
My journey to an ADHD diagnosis was a long time coming. I feel like I missed out quite a bit in life. Still, on the other hand, the experiences I had with undiagnosed ADHD were unique and impactful to the direction my life has taken. Ultimately, it has led me to a place of understanding and acceptance. I've learned that it's never too late to seek help and that a diagnosis can be the first step towards a happier, more fulfilling life.
Having been through the assessment and diagnosis process, I encourage others to seek their diagnosis through professional channels. I also advocate at my workplace and personal life for those with this condition and seek new ways to live a happy and successful life with ADHD.
If you’re an adult with ADHD, your skills and weaknesses in the workplace may differ from those of your neurotypical colleagues. It might be harder for you to remain focused on an unstimulating task, stay organized or be able to meet deadlines – which will cause challenges at work. There are three types of ADHD, and knowing which type you have is a good starting point for deciding a career path:
Adults with ADHD change jobs more frequently and have higher rates of unemployment or part-time employment (Kuriyan et al, 2013). With this in mind, choosing a career path that would be a good fit for someone with ADHD could be a challenge. Here are a few things to consider when deciding on which career may best suit you.
What are your interests?
It’s well known that those with ADHD need to be engaged and interested in their field of work in order to maintain attention, be productive and feel fulfilled. Do you get a kick out of analyzing numbers and organizing data? Maybe you like working with your hands and being creative. There isn’t a “perfect job” for people with ADHD, but doing something you’re passionate about will encourage motivation, focus, and lead to higher job satisfaction.
What are your strengths?
The right job will turn your unique ADHD symptoms and traits into strengths and assets. Studies show that people with ADHD tend to be more curious, creative, imaginative, innovative, and inventive – both inside and outside of the workplace. Make a list of your strong suits and think of times when those strengths have led you toward success or recognition. Evaluate whether or not any symptoms like hyperfocus, high energy or impulsivity helped you get the job done. Input from others may be helpful when answering this question!
Is there a pattern to your energy level throughout the day?
Think about your day-to-day energy patterns. Do you notice that you’re more productive in the morning, or you feel more motivated later in the day? Are there specific tasks that make you feel invigorated or drained? All jobs can occasionally include boring or mundane tasks, but some careers might require more physical and mental energy than others, or require work hours outside of a standard 9-5.
Do you need structure, or freedom?
Shift work, flexible hours or a hybrid environment can be beneficial for one person with ADHD, whereas another might require structure and routine to quiet their busy mind. If you tend to get easily overwhelmed, you might do better in a quiet, low-stress workplace that follows a standard day-to-day routine. If you value your autonomy, consider careers that allow you to make your own schedule or work off-site. Knowing what kind of environment you work best in can narrow your search for the ideal career.
Takeaways
Once you have a better understanding of who you are as a person, it’ll be easier to start exploring different career options. It’s important to remember that ADHD is unique. One ADHDer may consider a more low-key office job mentally stimulating, and another might thrive in a fast-paced retail job. The key is to choose a field or specific position that capitalizes on your skills and the traits that make you an asset to any workplace.
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, check out our ADHD in the Workplace Workshop and fill out our presentation request form!
When I was 3 years old, I was expelled from preschool (a Montessori school, actually.) Montessori education is, by definition, “child-centred education designed to help all children reach their fullest potential – at their own pace” ….Well, I guess they didn’t like my pace.
I spent a lot of time in the principal’s office, often due to acting without thinking and being impulsive. I switched to a mainstream school in grade 4 and I was identified as “gifted” in grade 5. All that really led to was just me being told I’m not reaching my full potential by teachers, and me questioning for years and years why I seemed so dumb when I was supposed to be so smart. It felt like I was left out of the loop because everyone else seemed to know how smart I was, but I couldn’t figure out why they thought that. I wasn’t top of my class, and it felt like I had accidentally tricked people into thinking I was smart when I wasn’t.
Fast forward to high school, within my friend group I was always the one who knew the most in any study session, but we all just referred to me as “school smart, people stupid” or “book smart, world stupid.” Throughout my life, friends and family have often told me: “you know, you’re really dumb for a smart person” to which I would always agree with them.
In grade 11 chemistry, I finally had a teacher who made it clear to me that he knew there was a disconnect between me and my potential. On tests, he would come over and quietly read the question out loud without changing the wording or explaining it, and for some reason that helped it to “click” when it otherwise wouldn’t have from reading it in my head. This led to me speaking to my SERT (the spec ed teacher assigned to me since I had an IEP), and we set up a consultation with an educational psychologist.
During the evaluation, they told me: “You’re going to graduate next year, you’re an honour roll student, you’re well behaved, you’ve got great attendance. Unfortunately, you’re just not a priority for the school system to approve a proper psychoeducational assessment,” and that was that.
When I got to university, I was so excited about all the new experiences like going to class, living in residence and being downtown without my family. I was desperate for all the cool psychology knowledge I could get my hands on. In my 3rd year, after seeking out an assessment, I got diagnosed with ADHD at age 20 (which in my opinion was 15-17 years too late). I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which, unfortunately, comes with the territory of undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I slowly got worse and worse with procrastination, especially in my 4th year when I no longer lived in residence and instead had my own apartment.
During 2021 when all my classes were online, I was bad at taking care of myself. I only left my apartment to go to work a few times a week, was pretty depressed, and didn’t care about the work I was doing, which was very unlike me. I was just altogether lacking a lot of motivation for anything and everything. It got hard to do basic stuff like work up the effort to wash dishes or even do things I actually enjoyed like reading or colouring. I would spend hours just staring at the wall like a zombie while on the inside, I was doing mental gymnastics. If you have never experienced being physically tired while simultaneously being mentally hyper -- I’ll tell you right now, it is exhausting.
It was around this time that I started learning as much as I possibly could about ADHD, especially how it is in girls, which is quite different from how it can present in boys. It became a cycle because the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn, and the more I wanted to shout from the rooftops what I had found out. Since then, I have found out that I am also autistic, also something I had to figure out myself. I have continued learning about ADHD, the common misconceptions and realities of those who deal with it, and I have worked hard to advocate for ADHD awareness.
Currently, I am in a Master’s of Teaching program and have dedicated my research to help kids with ADHD as a teacher, and especially, to help kids who might slip through the cracks of the diagnostic system like I did. I know that I am really fortunate to have had the privileges in life that I’ve had, and that my school experience was generally positive. Ultimately though, my public-school experience left me feeling that this cannot be the best it gets for other neurodivergent students.
Despite the popular myth that ADHD is over diagnosed, those with ADHD, as well as those with autism, often make it into adulthood before being diagnosed. So many of my future neurodivergent students may very well not have an accurate IEP during their time in my classes if they are given one at all.
Sometimes people tell me that all I talk about is ADHD and to that, I say: “so?” Not enough other people are talking about it, and if that means I must take it upon myself to spread awareness for it a bit more, I think that is really a small price to pay. To put it this way: anyone who might get annoyed with me for going on and on about ADHD, how much of life it affects and how more teachers, parents, and people, in general, should know about it, I would much rather have them be mildly annoyed with me instead of have kids grow up hating themselves or thinking they’re broken or alone in the world.
Growing up I was a good kid, and I excelled in school. We’re talking straight-A student. I loved to learn, but socially I was an awkward underdog – always insecure and unsure of my place in the world. I never felt like I fit in anywhere – with friends, or even family.
Fast forward to adulthood. I was married at 24 and had my two children at ages 25 and 26. I was living the dream with a home in the country and my perfect family. There was still an internal struggle, like a dark cloud hanging over me, but I managed. I’ve always been productive, fairly efficient, and never late for anything. On the outside, I believe I appeared to have it all together. On the inside, I don’t think I ever did until I reached (and overcame) my breaking point at the age of 35.
I had always been inactive, overweight, and never really prioritized my health and wellness. It was Summer 2020 when my children had grown enough to need me less, that I decided my lifestyle needed a serious change. I committed to an intense wellness challenge, determined to lose weight, get fit and feel great. Guess what?! It worked. It worked really well. I lost a lot of weight and was obsessed with the new me. Meal planning and exercising became my everything. I had accomplished something I never thought possible. But as I was building good health, I was also damaging it. Little ailments kept popping up resulting in numerous doctor visits.
By Winter 2021-2022 I was a wreck. I was stuck in calorie-deficit-mode when I no longer needed to be – which shifted to semi-starvation without me realizing it. I felt like I was living a lie – like the old me was going to return and everyone would see me fail. I was obsessed with maintaining control with every ounce of my being, until I cracked. An eating disorder was at the top of my mind. My husband was concerned about my mental health.
At this point, after visits to my doctor over physical ailments – I went in with my mental health concerns. My doctor recognized some patterns and behaviours at this point. ADHD was the diagnosis. I was stunned. Never in my life had I ever thought I had any of the characteristics. Truth is, I just internalized (masked) them all. My brain is very cluttered. I’m very forgetful and fidgety. I’m a terrible listener, known to interrupt and offer my two cents when they aren’t asked for. I obsess about the things that interest me. When I’m bored or lacking stimulation, I plummet into laziness, negativity, overthinking and often turn to food for comfort. My fixation on weight loss and physical improvement was my continuous hit of dopamine.
Since my diagnosis about a year ago, I have received support for my ADHD, as well as my disordered eating (and exercising). It became evident quite quickly that ADHD was the root. In treating and learning to manage it, my other problems have become much more manageable. I am a healthy weight, and no longer fixate on the unhealthy habits I’d established.
My diagnosis floored me because it was so unexpected. At first, I felt intense grief over the years lost not knowing myself. My life didn’t have to be as hard or confusing as it was! After those feelings subsided came a feeling of freedom. I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I stopped making choices based on others’ expectations or judgements of me. I started living more and worrying less.
My diagnosis has taught me so much about myself. It strengthened my marriage, and resulted in some changes in the ways we both parent our children. I’ve gained the confidence to start my own creative marketing business, and I’ve built some solid relationships with people who love and accept me for who I am.
I’m managing my symptoms with many tools. Medication calms my busy brain, but I must put in the work every day to thrive.
Here's a list of things that work for me:
• I articulate my feelings of stress and anxiety when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
• I find healthy hobbies and outlets for managing my symptoms and improving my health.
• I acknowledge that I feel my best when I eat well, drink plenty of water, and sleep well (although I don’t always do these things).
• I find challenges for myself and set goals. Then I use those goals to create action plans. It gives me motivation and something positive to fixate on.
• I see a therapist specializing in ADHD.
• I take risks (reasonable ones) and embrace opportunities to experience new things.
• I make lists so I don’t forget things as often. Crossing things off my to-do lists is very satisfying!
During the pandemic when I started that fitness challenge, I discovered a love for running. It is hands-down the most effective tool for managing my ADHD symptoms. I find peace when I run. I feel powerful when I run. Runner's high is the real deal! I love running so much that I challenged myself to complete a half-marathon. I trained through the winter and accomplished my goal on March 5th. I’m ready to do a second in May!
My ADHD diagnosis has changed my life. That’s not to say it’s not hard – it’s always hard. It creates a lot of stress and consumes a lot of energy to manage. But I choose to see the silver lining. I’m alive, I finally accept myself as I am, and I’ve learned to embrace imperfection. I accept that there will be bad days scattered amongst the good days. I’m finally starting to understand myself, and that’s really freeing.
If I were diagnosed earlier, my life would have been much different.
I would not have had to put up with the abuse I endured growing up and after I left home. I was called lazy, stupid, and crazy and told that those with ADHD have lower intelligence than those with out it.
Nancy, diagnosed at age 55
I can remember sitting in a grad school seminar when the professor, referring to children with executive functioning skill challenges, said we need to remember “to lend our kids our frontal lobes.” What they meant was that for children struggling with executive functioning, as many children with ADHD do, we, as the parents, teachers, and other supporting professionals will often have to directly model and then support the development of these skills with our children and youth. This idea is one I return to frequently as both my daughter and the youth I support in private practice begin their return to on-campus, post-secondary learning. For some students, this month is marking the first return to in-person learning since March of 2020. While for others, this is the first time ever being on campus, as they began their post-secondary experience remotely. As the youth prepare for their transitions, this important idea of lending our frontal lobes has become very timely once again.
Over the past few weeks, I have found myself supporting a number of youth with their plans for in-person academic re-entry. While it is often assumed that students can’t wait to return to an on-campus experience, many are nervous. I have found myself “lending my kids our frontal lobes”. Ideas that may be helpful for other parents and professionals in the weeks ahead:
Schedules. Students are needing help with their concept of time. They are out of practice with transit schedules, many of which have changed during Covid as new routes are now in place. They need support with factoring in the time required to pass through screening checkpoints and learning how to use the apps needed to facilitate that process. There is also time budgeting to get from campus to part-time jobs. Another new experience for many of them. I have found myself helping many students set various alarms and reminders in order to help their days run as smoothly as possible.
Workload Management. Many students have not had in-person instruction at the post-secondary level. I have found myself reminding youths about how in-person learning will go. They are worried about note-taking skills and in-person groups. Many lectures have been recorded and students have been able to pause lectures and relisten to sections of the lecture in order to refine their notes. There is nervousness over losing that ability. Accessibility offices have required emails so new accommodations can be smoothly transitioned in. Students are feeling overwhelmed.
Organizing. Many students are asking for support to organize bags and supplies. Many students, especially in hands-on programs such as art, have never had to collect and bring in their art supplies. The organizing seems daunting. They have forgotten how to pack gym bags, and backpacks, while making sure they have transit passes, and masks. One student talked about sitting in her room unable to start gathering anything as it was all just too much and her brain simply fell apart. Together we went step by step through the organization process. I spoke out loud about my own organizational thinking, modeling how to work through an overwhelming process in pieces. The student’s nervousness decreased. Skills were modeled and belongings were organized in the process.
Anxiety. Students are excited. But, they are anxious. Some of my students have strong self-awareness skills and can recognize their anxiety while others speak more vaguely about their feelings. Regardless, the underlying issue is being anxious about being around people again. There are concerns about social skills, making friends, fitting in, and remaining healthy.
Each student has their own set of concerns but many don’t know what to do with their feelings. I have found myself helping them to identify what is making them anxious and talking through strategies to deal with their feelings. I have been reminding them about the power of the breath. I have been helping them to develop simple, straightforward scripts they can use when they are feeling overwhelmed socially. For some, I have been helping them write emails or make calls to other professionals who have, in the past, been sources of therapeutic support for them.
Our youth have had a very challenging few years. This is a time in their lives when they should be branching out, and learning more about who they are as independent young adults. They should be working to individuate away from their families a little bit but many have not been able to. They are excited their world is starting to open up again. They are also overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and not sure where to begin. So, for the rest of this school year, and I am certain for the start of the next one as well, I will be lending my frontal lobes to the youth in my life.
Written and submitted by X. Laudati, 14 years old from the USA!
Imagine having an itchy brain
Imagine having trouble focusing
Imagine forcing yourself to be dedicated to something
Imagine when you want something all you do is talk about it
Now just imagine you want everything to go your way
Imagine not sleeping through the night or not needing a lot of sleep
Imagine trying to focus while playing sports with ADHD
Imagine being able to play an entire soccer game without getting tired
Imagine doing something you immediately regret
Just imagine finishing your popcorn before the movie starts
Imagine having someone tell you to “STOP” multiple times
Imagine someone reminding you multiple times to do something
Imagine your name being called all the time but you don’t respond
Imagine how special it is to have ADHD Imagine having endless energy
Imagine having the drive to complete something
Imagine enjoying life and not stressing about stuff
Imagine focusing on the small stuff that gets left behind
Imagine taking risks and learning from them
I could never imagine my life without having ADHD
Alison Brazier, PhD
Alison Brazier is a mother, health scientist, and parent and family ADHD coach supporting families with neurodiversity. She is the founder of Brilliant Not Broken Coaching and Consulting.
I still clearly remember the heartache I felt when my six-year-old son told me he felt like his life was breaking apart because his dad and I were constantly mad at him. At the time, we had no idea he had ADHD, and it was several more years before he was diagnosed.
Though we were just in the early days of our journey, we realized that day-to-day life with an ADHD child can present huge challenges for parents. Mostly, this is due to a lack of understanding of how the ADHD brain works, and what kinds of supports a child needs to be successful. In my parent and family coaching practice, I listen to parents describe households in crisis due to conflict and difficult behavior, lack of parenting agreement between spouses, and severely strained relationships between parent and child. Parents are left wondering, “What is wrong with my child? Why am I failing as a parent?” In the most extreme circumstances, parents have even expressed the desire to give up on their children. They feel that broken.
Research has documented that parents of ADHD kids do experience more parenting stress than parents of children without a diagnosis (Theule et al., 2010). In addition, there is evidence of increased marital conflict and increased rates of divorce. (Wymbs et al., 2008). Parents of ADHD children were shown to be two times more likely to divorce before the child turns eight years old.
As I have learned through my work with clients, my son was not unusual; children and teens living with ADHD often feel misunderstood, ashamed, and have low self-esteem due to constant negative feedback and the feeling they can’t meet the expectations of parents and teachers. These kids express considerable emotional concerns such as questioning whether their parents truly love them as much as non-ADHD siblings, whether they will have any future success due to their perceived lack of potential, and some even have moments of wondering if their life is worth living in the most severe cases. The ADHD child can clearly feel broken too.
Research also bears this out. For example, a UK study (2016) looked at the impact of ADHD on the health and well-being of ADHD children and their siblings. Findings demonstrated ADHD was associated with a substantial reduction in quality of life, even in those being treated for their condition. ADHD study participants showed reduced health, lower subjective well-being, less sleep, and an increase in bullying compared to non-ADHD peers. Both ADHD participants and their siblings indicated they were significantly less happy with their family and with life overall. These findings are consistent with previous research.
How do we change this troubling situation?
I believe a key factor in helping parents and children to feel less distraught is the willingness of the parent to dive into a process of personal growth to arrive at full acceptance of the diagnosis and the child. As Jeff Foster says in his book Deep Acceptance (2012), “Suffering is always, always the invitation to deep acceptance.”
Pediatric neuropsychologist, Dr. Rita Eichenstein, believes acceptance is the fifth stage of a grieving process for parents who receive a diagnosis for an atypical child. Dr. Eichenstein’s book, “Not What I Expected: Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children”, is aimed at helping parents of children diagnosed with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, and other developmental differences to better understand and navigate their emotional challenges. She believes parents go through a process of grief over the loss of their ideal child – the one they expected to have, without the diagnosis. She models her explanation of five stages of grief developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross after the loss of a loved one: These 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance, with each stage involving different reactions to the diagnosis.
Not all parents go through all five stages, some go back and forth through the stages many times, and some get stuck in one stage and can’t move on. For example, a parent can get stuck in denial and not be able to move past this. According to Dr. Eichenstein, if there is a problem with parents “getting on the same page” it is most likely one parent stuck in denial. She says this is extremely common, and usually, the one in denial has less education about the diagnosis.
Why is acceptance so important?
In the state of acceptance parents have truly embraced the child they have, and they have made peace with the life they now are living. This doesn’t mean that life is not exhausting or that it is easy. But acceptance moves the parent (and potentially the whole family) from a place of resisting what is and being able to envision a bright future even with this unexpected diagnosis. As Dr. Eichenstein explains, “It means that suffering and joy can co-exist”. For some parents, they can even see the gifts that the unexpected journey has brought for them or their family. For me, it was the opportunity to become a parent and family ADHD coach, and work towards supporting neurodiverse families.
Acceptance is a process that develops over time. It requires a commitment on the parent’s part to grow and learn, and to maintain an awareness and acknowledgment of their own feelings. A parent’s willingness to gain sufficient knowledge and understanding about ADHD, and a desire to move out of survival mode and find a better way of living are also key factors. Separating out the difference between what their ADHD child “can’t do”, for example, due to lagging skills or brain function, versus what they “won’t do”, more intentional behaviour they have control over, is a critical turning point.
This distinction can open the door for compassion for the child as well as the parent. If it is discovered the child is not willfully refusing to behave in certain ways, but instead, does not have the ability to meet a parent’s expectations, the household energy changes dramatically. The focus then shifts from implementing consequences to supporting a child to develop the necessary skills. As psychologist, Dr. Ross Greene, is well known for stating, “Kids do well if they can”.
Our children are deeply influenced by our response to their neurodiversity. If we deny, ignore, or can’t move out of our anger or depression about this unexpected parenting experience, we are demonstrating to our kids (consciously or unconsciously) that they are not ok, and having ADHD is a disability without hope. In reality, ADHD is considered one of the most treatable psychiatric conditions. We also know that those with ADHD not only have challenges, but their ADHD wiring can actually give them great strengths as well. The task is to uncover them.
The other day I reminded my teenage son that he had forgotten to bring in the garbage cans from the street. He responded with loud exasperation, “I just can’t do anything right!!” I felt stress rising inside me in anticipation of an uncomfortable interaction. But when I turned to look at him, he had a huge grin on his face, “I am totally kidding, Mom!”
He has now actually developed a sense of humour around those earlier, tougher times. It made me think about how far we have come together from those days when he was young and feeling like his world was crumbling, and I felt like mine was too. It was hard to imagine things getting better, but they have – immeasurably. Deeply accepting my son’s ADHD, and his other neurodifferences has given me the freedom and ability to become the parent I want to be. As a family, we have learned that having differences does not have to mean feeling broken. It can be bumpy, but if we are willing to learn and grow, it can be brilliant.
References:
Eichenstein, R. Not What I Expected: Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children. Penguin
Group, New York: 2015.
Foster, J. Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life. Sounds True, Boulder, Colorado: 2012.
Peasgood T, Bhardwaj A, Biggs K, et al. The impact of ADHD on the health and well-being of ADHD children and their siblings. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. 2016; 25:1217:1231.
Theule, J, Wiener J, Tannock R, Jenkins, JM. Parenting stress in families of children with ADHD: a meta-analysis. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders. Published online 18 Nov 2010.
Wymbs BT, Pelham Jr. WE, Molina BSG, Gnagy EM, Wilson TK, Greenhouse JB. Rate and
predictors of divorce among parents of youth with ADHD. Journal of Consulting and Clinical
Psychology. 2008 October; 76(5): 735-744.
