The Many Faces of ADHD - Collette's story

This ADHD Awareness Month, CADDAC is highlighting "The Many Faces of ADHD" — because ADHD doesn't look the same for everyone. It spans all ages, backgrounds, genders, and experiences. We asked for volunteer bloggers to share their personal journeys with ADHD — the challenges, the wins, the moments of clarity or chaos. This is Collette's story.

Tell us about your experience with ADHD
When were you diagnosed, or suspect that you had ADHD? How has it impacted your life?

Diagnosed officially at 50. Empowered me to understand myself better. "Why do I do what I do?" especially around never feeling good enough. Always pursuing education, high marks, people pleasing, obsessed with a clean home, all to mask. Often felt low mood, invisible, self-doubt, struggled maintaining relationships as over I overthink them.

When I turned 50, I was like - "I am not living the next 25 years like the last." I was raising my daughter, who has ADHD and different symptoms than I, helping aging parents, figuring out perimenopause, and continuing to people-please, and my workaholic tendencies were in full control. I went to the psychologist who diagnosed my daughter, as my lifelong coping skills were not working, and we began the process of exploring if I did have ADHD. Yup, sure so. Lol.

What has been the biggest challenge living with ADHD? 
This could be in school, work, relationships, your mental health, etc.

Workaholic tendencies- working, volunteering, always taking a class or a course. Always need to be doing something - have a hard time relaxing. Being present in friendships. Being exhausted and feeling unfulfilled.

What strengths or unique qualities do you associate with your ADHD?
Is there something about how your brain works that you appreciate or celebrate?  

I love that I can multitask, problem-solve on the fly, and am organized. It has helped me set goals and achieve what I didn’t think was possible.

How has your identity (age, race, gender, culture, etc.) shaped your experience with ADHD?
Feel free to reflect on how ADHD intersects with other aspects of who you are.

When people read my LinkedIn, they see this put-together, accomplished woman. What they don’t see is the low mood, self-doubt, and extra time it takes to manage my OCD tendencies and imposter syndrome. They see this woman who has cool bracelets that I use to calm my twitching, and that helps me stay focused when talking to people. My version of fidgets. I appear super outgoing, but have few close friends. Not because I don’t value them, just out of sight, out of mind, or I have over-scheduled myself and don’t have time to join them when invited, so I've stopped being invited. I have to schedule on my calendar to connect with three people this week, or months could go by before I chat with them.

What do you wish more people understood about ADHD?
What myths or misconceptions would you love to bust?

I have heard so often, "Oh, they have ADHD," like it’s a bad thing. I embrace my ADHD, the good and frustrating parts, and I am still trying to navigate. I am smart, I am creative in the way I problem solve, can multitask and hyper focus to meet a tight deadline, am flexible, and ready to jump in and help.

My K-12 education journey was not kind, and I barely passed high school. Being told you were not trying hard enough or were too distracted really impacted how I saw myself and what I was capable of. Going to secretary school and getting all A’s was a lightbulb moment. Told me I was smart and could learn and do things. So I went to night school and upgraded, then got my degree with distinction, and now working on my master's. I have had an amazing career because of my varied interests and taking leaps, trying new positions. Always learning. I can problem-solve like no one’s business and organize a space in my sleep.

What has helped you the most in managing or embracing your ADHD?
This could include tools, therapy, community, mindset shifts, medication, etc.

Bracelets on my wrists as a grounding tool, rubbing them when getting distracted or when my leg involuntarily starts to twitch. Setting timers so don’t get hyper-focused and lose track of time. Being ok with the house not being perfect - hard, hard, hard for me, but better at it. I now do myself, why are you saying yes - is it for you or a people pleaser version? I can say no, and do now more and more.

Why do you want to share your story during ADHD Awareness Month?
What motivates you to speak up now? 

Because having ADHD is a powerful tool set I come with. It’s an asset. I am not dumb, just learn differently than mainstream society systems. I need more mini breaks, often than 1-15min or 30min breaks, because my brain is constantly running the hamster wheel, and I need it to stop sometimes before I fly out.

I need clear communication and due dates, as I procrastinate often but get the job done when needed.

I am an older woman who, when younger, was overlooked and worked so hard to prove I am smart that I became a workaholic, which impacted my physical, mental, and social health. Impacted relationships.