The Many Faces of ADHD - Pete's story

This ADHD Awareness Month, CADDAC is highlighting "The Many Faces of ADHD" — because ADHD doesn't look the same for everyone. It spans all ages, backgrounds, genders, and experiences. We asked for volunteer bloggers to share their personal journeys with ADHD — the challenges, the wins, the moments of clarity or chaos. This is Pete's story.

Tell us about your experience with ADHD
When were you diagnosed, or suspect that you had ADHD? How has it impacted your life?

I was diagnosed with ADHD (and OCD and Tourettes Syndrome) as a young child of about 7 years old. It has impacted my life in many significant ways from spending time in a youth psychiatric hospital to ending up in foster care for a year and having to leave the parental home at 16 years old.

It has made intimate relationships extremely difficult, I have always struggled with emotional regulation and have a persistent need for autonomy.

Executive dysfunction and other related struggles have reeked havoc on my financial stability as I tried over and over to be a consistent employee but could never stay in someone else's 9-5 routine for long.

I constantly forget and misplace things, have a very hard time waiting for folks to finish what they say before answering, and can often be "too much" for others to handle.

It has also made it extremely difficult to plan and organize anything over time, and develop and stick to better habits.

Fatigue and burnout are always just around the corner as I do not relax well.

What has been the biggest challenge living with ADHD? 
This could be in school, work, relationships, your mental health, etc.

Maintaining gainful employment and financial stability. Interpersonal relationships. Being misunderstood or labelled as lazy or stupid. But the number 1 challenge has been accessing quality care through the public health system!

What strengths or unique qualities do you associate with your ADHD?
Is there something about how your brain works that you appreciate or celebrate?  

Sure, I suppose there is the whole "hyperfocus" thing but it's likely more of a curse than a blessing. If I am deeply interested in something I can learn it and become very good at it rather quickly, but it is always at the expense of everything else; hygiene, nutrition, sleep, relationships, etc. It also doesn't last, once I've learned it and have achieved a certain level of proficiency my brain will go find some other new and novel thing to be honest excited about, rinse and repeat.

If there is anything at all positive about it, I suppose it could be that it has made me more empathetic towards others who are struggling.

How has your identity (age, race, gender, culture, etc.) shaped your experience with ADHD?
Feel free to reflect on how ADHD intersects with other aspects of who you are.

I felt strongly in my 20s that because I am a man I shouldn't be weak or emotional. I shouldn't have to take meds or therapy and should be strong enough to push through and "bla bla bla bootstraps". Many general practitioners also perpetuated this believe early in my adult life when I sought advice on what I should do about my diagnoses. I got told things like "ADHD goes away when you're an adult", "You just need to exercise more and apply yourself", "You're in university so you must be doing alright", or worse, "ADHD isn't even real". Yes… DOCTORS told me these things.

Culture absolutely shaped the outcomes of my struggles. I think in Canada we have a disgusting culture of waiting for a crisis to happen and then dealing with it through crisis management instead of taking preventative steps to avoid a crisis in the first place. This is more costly for everyone in the long run and if quality mental health care was accessible to everyone we would likely see things get better before they get worse. Perhaps the "tent cities" would start shrinking too.

What do you wish more people understood about ADHD?
What myths or misconceptions would you love to bust?

That we don't just need to try harder. We are already trying harder than most, putting in 200% effort and getting 50% results.

We are often worried that everyone hates us or that we are in trouble. Some positive reinforcement is very helpful from time to time.

That we need breaks! …and I mean over the long term. We may do very well for sometime but eventually burnout. When that happens, we need time to recalibrate and the more pressure that's put on us to keep going, the less likely we will be productive.

That it truly IS a disability for many of us!
Would you tell the guy in a wheelchair to "just try to walk harder"? I think not.

What has helped you the most in managing or embracing your ADHD?
This could include tools, therapy, community, mindset shifts, medication, etc.

Accepting that I have a condition that needs to be managed has been helpful but without guidance it took far too long to realize this and many years of my life feel like they've been wasted.

Medication has been helpful in some ways but again, there is more profit to be made from tossing pharmaceuticals at us than addressing the root issues. Many of us have trauma and comorbidities. All the research shows that medication in tandem with quality therapies is the best approach that we know of so far. Therapy however, is expensive and usually not covered by public health care.

Further, private health insurance won't cover you for pre existing conditions so we're left to foot the bill on our own when we already have financial struggles.

Finally, physical exercise has been helpful with mood and focus as well as teaching myself about consistency. Movement is truly medicine.

Why do you want to share your story during ADHD Awareness Month?
What motivates you to speak up now? 

I only got serious about my mental health a few years ago after hitting rock bottom, examining my life and seeing a pattern of pitfalls that made it quite obvious to me that my childhood diagnoses were after all, greatly affecting my life as an adult. As a result of being untreated and unmanaged for so many years, I had developed some pretty severe anxiety, depression and PTSD on top of it all and was no longer functioning well at all.

Upon seeking help and treatment I was met with much dismissal, pushback, doubt, and neglectful care from numerous health care professionals. It became apparent to me rather quickly that when people said, "You're gonna need to fight and advocate for yourself" that they really weren't kidding.

I went through 3 family doctors before I found one who was willing to help. Then I went through 3 psychiatrists before I found one who was even willing to offer a follow-up. Accessing any of the resources that they say are out there for us has been a nightmare in chasing down everyone else to do what they've promised me. I finally found some therapy covered by AHS but is is not very trauma informed and more punitive than helpful and compassionate.

So I want to share my story to let folks know that not only are ADHD folks struggling with their conditions, but are also often being denied the care that could potentially offer us a better attempt at life and independence.

I also want to inspire others with neurological conditions to still strive for a better life and fight for the help they deserve.

Though life remains a constant struggle for me, I have still managed to achieve some incredible things in spite of it and am quite proud of those accomplishments. Once I realized that I could direct my hyperfocus into studies that aligned with my special interests, I managed to obtain a university degree, become fluent in a foreign language, and even receive a JUNO Award for my work in Canadian music.

This is, however, not without the support and guidance of a wonderful father that I am lucky to have in my life. I would most certainly be homeless and on the street without him. Not all of us are so lucky.

My parents made a great move when I was very young by showing me stories of others with ADHD or Tourettes or whatever who went on to achieve great things. A major league baseball player with Tourettes, famous musicians with ADHD, etc. This was incredibly inspiring and I would like current parents of kids with ADHD to know the potential positive impact this can have.