The Many Faces of ADHD - Marisa's story

This ADHD Awareness Month, CADDAC is highlighting "The Many Faces of ADHD" — because ADHD doesn't look the same for everyone. It spans all ages, backgrounds, genders, and experiences. We asked for volunteer bloggers to share their personal journeys with ADHD — the challenges, the wins, the moments of clarity or chaos. This is Marisa's story.

Tell us about your experience with ADHD
When were you diagnosed, or suspect that you had ADHD? How has it impacted your life?

I was officially diagnosed in 2020, at 23 years old. My process to getting diagnosed was one that was long and challenging. I started seeking help back in college. Not because I thought I had ADHD, but because I knew something was wrong and had no idea how to fix whatever it was.

I told the doctor that my thoughts were constantly racing and how I struggled to do really basic tasks and everything felt like I was having to push myself through molasses to do it. I spoke about feeling like my emotions were all over the place and out of control. I explained that it was impacting my self esteem because I felt like I was just so different and nobody got it.

At this time, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2014 and put on antidepressants. But they never did anything. I went to appointment after appointment saying, “This isn’t helping,” only to be told to wait longer or try a different one. Eventually, I gave up and weaned myself off.

As time went on, things got worse. I felt fundamentally wrong, like I didn't belong in the world and like everyone had been given this instruction manual to life that was never given to me. I went back to the doctor to continue searching for answers and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The antipsychotics I was prescribed completely numbed me. I barely remember those 3 months because I was just a shell of myself. Again, I weaned off medication and tried to manage things on my own through lifestyle changes and diet.

In 2017, I was taking a psychology class and we covered ADHD. I remember staring at the diagnostic criteria and being like "I have that…. wait I have that too". It felt like someone had found my diary. I brought this doctor, excited to maybe have answers but they said the symptoms also overlapped with Bipolar Disorder and advised me to resume the antipsychotics. I didn't.

After this time, I started joking with friends about maybe having ADHD. The following year I graduated and no longer had access to the same doctor, and I didn’t have a family doctor either so I resorted to walk-in clinics. There was still something in the back of my mind telling me that we hadn't figured the truth out yet.

In 2020, I was struggling with friendships. One friend was upset that I never initiated texts or followed up on things she told me. I remember telling a coworker, “It’s not that I don’t care, I just literally do not think about people when they're not right in front of me". I felt horrible about it, like I was selfish and broken.

That coworker shared with me that she experienced the same thing but for her it was her ADHD that caused it. That conversation reignited the fire in me. I remembered the college class where I heard about those symptoms and how deeply I'd related. So I went back to the doctor.

The doctor at this walk-in clinic actually listened. She asked me detailed questions about my symptoms now, my childhood, how I did in school, my emotional patterns. We talked for almost an hour. She said it was very likely ADHD, and she prescribed Vyvanse.

I was terrified to start it because I had taken so many other medication that had not work on me or made things worse. But I took the pill and within 45 mins, I was in tears. My brain was actually quiet. For the first time in my life, it felt like there were brakes. I walked downstairs in tears, looking at my mom and said "So you're telling me that you guys feel this way ALL the time?!"

Getting diagnosed felt like coming home. It’s been a steady process of unlearning all the ways I thought I was broken. Almost everything I’d labeled as laziness, selfishness, or failure turned out to be symptoms of something bigger. I finally had language for all my feelings. Most importantly, I wasn't alone anymore. I finally had a sense of community in speaking to others who feel how I feel and think the way that I think. It has brought so much compassion. For myself and others like me.

What has been the biggest challenge living with ADHD? 
This could be in school, work, relationships, your mental health, etc.

The biggest challenge with ADHD has been unlearning all the negative things I believed about myself and that others put on me. For most of my life I was called lazy, told I wasn't trying hard enough or told I was not living up to my potential. People made it seem that the things I struggled with were easy and instead of getting help, I got blamed.

Even after getting diagnosed, it's been incredibly hard to let go of the shame I internalized and the anger I feel. Anger that something was wrong and nobody believed me or helped me.

It's still hard, especially because some people continue to carry at perpetuate that same mindset. But now that I understand that my symptoms are because of ADHD, I'm the one who has to advocate for myself, figure out what I need and give myself the care I never got.

Managing my ADHD symptoms has definitely not been an easy part but the hardest part has been grieving all the years I spent undiagnosed and struggling.

What strengths or unique qualities do you associate with your ADHD?
Is there something about how your brain works that you appreciate or celebrate?  

One of the biggest strengths that I associate with my ADHD is the way my brain connects ideas. I notice patterns that others miss and I come up with outside the box ways of thinking. My ADHD makes me creative, curious and constantly absorbing information which makes me a great problem-solver.

I also used to see my emotional sensitivity and the fact that I felt emotions very deeply as a weakness. I have grown to see it as a strength. It makes me empathetic and emotionally attuned to others. I used to find it weird that people I barely knew would start opening up to me about deep traumatic experiences. Now I realize that it's because my ADHD makes me raw, real and deeply empathetic. People feel that and it makes them feel safe to be vulnerable. That has become a part of myself that I really value.

How has your identity (age, race, gender, culture, etc.) shaped your experience with ADHD?
Feel free to reflect on how ADHD intersects with other aspects of who you are.

Being a girl has definitely shaped my experience with ADHD. One of the biggest impacts was how long it took me to get diagnosed. Throughout elementary school and high school my report cards would come back saying that my work was messy, my assignments were always late, I was always forgetting materials, and that I wasn't applying myself.

My mom worked as an integration aide at my elementary school, supporting kids with Autism and ADHD, but she told me she never even considered ADHD as a possibility for me because I wasn’t hyperactive or disruptive like the typical boy stereotype.

I think another thing that got overlooked was my incredibly intense emotions. I would get brought to tears very easily, was incredibly sensitive to rejection and often come home from school crying because I felt like my friends didn't want to be around me. I think because I was a girl, these emotions were just seen dismissed as just being a "cry-baby" instead of it being recognized as something bigger.

It wasn't until I started researching ADHD that I read about how it can present very differently in girls which helped me finally make sense of my experiences. This understanding has empowered me and motivated me to advocate for others and raise awareness about the diverse ways ADHD can show up.

What do you wish more people understood about ADHD?
What myths or misconceptions would you love to bust?

I wish people understood that ADHD isn't just about being hyperactive or forgetful. It's much more complex and affects pretty much everything you do and every aspect of your life.

I also wished that people realized that ADHD is not laziness or a lack of willpower. People with ADHD often work incredibly hard to just keep up, but our brains are wired differently, which means we sometimes just need different strategies and supports to succeed.

Most of all, I wish there was more compassion and patience for those living with ADHD. Still to this day, I constantly hear ADHD being talked about with negative stereotypes.

I've had bosses say they didn't want to hire someone with ADHD, not knowing that I have it and was one of their top employees because of my ability to problem solve and think creatively which are directly tied to my ADHD.
I've heard parents talk about their child's ADHD as if it's a terrible thing and makes them a monster. If more people truly understood ADHD, I feel like there'd be less stigma and more kindness.

What has helped you the most in managing or embracing your ADHD?
This could include tools, therapy, community, mindset shifts, medication, etc.

What's helped me the most in managing and embracing my ADHD has been gaining understanding and acceptance for how my brain works. After learning this, I was able to discover strategies that work for me, like creating routines and using reminders.

Therapy definitely had a huge impact on me and helped me have the biggest shift which has been practising self-compassion and being patient with myself on the hard days and celebrating my unique strengths instead of just focusing on the challenges. I started therapy with the mindset of "my stupid ADHD brain is ruining my life" but I left with so much more compassion and understanding for my beautifully complex brain. That change in perspective has helped me embrace ADHD as a vital part of who I am and not just something to fix.

Why do you want to share your story during ADHD Awareness Month?
What motivates you to speak up now? 

I wanted to share my story during ADHD Awareness Month because I know how much it meant to me to read other people's stories and find others who resonate with what I've been through.

What motivated me to start speaking up whenever I had the chance is the progress I’ve made in understanding and accepting my ADHD. I want to use that progress to create a safe space where others can share their journeys without shame or fear. Speaking up feels like a way of turning my challenges into something meaningful, to raise awareness and to advocate for more compassion and support for everyone living with ADHD.