“But You’re a Girl” by Meredith

When I was growing up, many people thought I was a pretty perfect kid. I do not blame them; I was smart, a straight-A student, well-mannered, well-behaved, outgoing, and I was always told I was mature for my age. But, what my friends, family members, teachers, and even my parents did not realize was that I was going through a constant struggle. I struggled to stay on task, to remember everything I had to do, to do things in a normal amount of time instead of taking twice as long or rushing to do it twice as fast, to stay calm when I was stressed instead of bursting into tears and shutting down. This was not just for schoolwork, but almost every aspect of my life. It was not until  halfway through the eleventh grade, when I truly expressed the extent of these struggles to my parents and then a psychologist, and I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, or ADHD.

Prior to my diagnosis, I had limited knowledge as to what ADHD looked like, besides the common stereotypes of struggling to sit still or focus. However, as I learned more about how ADHD can impact the different aspects of my life, I found that many of the things that frustrated me most about myself were actually tied to this disorder. Not only has my diagnosis provided clarity, but it has also allowed me to access tools to help me function better, which has led to improvement in my grades, self-confidence, and coping-mechanisms. But why did it take until then to receive my diagnosis? Why did so many signs go unnoticed? Why did it take me receiving my diagnosis for my then 49-year-old mother (who has an incredibly similar profile as me) to realize that she and her mother have it too?

One common misconception is that ADHD is less prevalent in girls, when in reality, girls experience different symptoms that are often overlooked as signs of ADHD, resulting in fewer diagnoses. According to special education and ADHD researchers Dr. Janice Grskovic and Dr. Sydney Zental (2010), some symptoms of ADHD that are often unique to girls are verbal impulsivity and hyperactivity–which can look like trouble filtering speech and talking quickly and often–as well as being easily bored, and having elevated emotional responses and emotional dysregulation–which can present as mood swings, overreacting, and uncontrollable crying. Girls with ADHD also often suffer from low self-esteem (which is often tied to feeling incompetent because of other ADHD symptoms), as well as constant or extreme stress, anxiety, and depression (Grskovic and Zental, 2010). Therefore, the common symptoms and struggles of ADHD for girls are often the things that get passed off as being typical “girl behaviour” or–in more extreme cases–soley attributed to a different condition (e.g. an anxiety or mood disorder) without considering comorbidity.

Grskovic & Zental (2010) explain teachers typically refer students for assessment because of externalizing symptoms and disruptive behavior in the classroom–which girls with ADHD are less likely to exhibit–and that even when girls have the same external symptoms, teachers will still see them as less disruptive or as more modifiable in the classroom. This is a problem, because it is typically through a teacher’s recommendation that parents or guardians will learn that their child shows symptoms and should be tested for ADHD (Grskovic & Zental, 2010). Instead, most of these symptoms may often be written off by teachers, family members, and friends as simply being personality traits, so girls will be labeled as moody, a “chatty Cathy,” or a drama queen. 

According to a national survey conducted by the Director of the National Center for Gender Issues and ADHD, Dr. Patricia Quinn, and her colleague Dr. Sharon Wigal (2004), 82% of teachers in America think ADHD is more prevalent in boys. While this study is older, I have seen this misconception perpetuated (possibly unintentionally) by some of my own psychology professors, who shared the difference in ADHD diagnosis rates of boys and girls but did not discuss why this may be, leading some of my classmates to incorrectly assume that means that it is simply more common for boys. The future teachers, clinicians, and parents in that class may not remember the specific percentages, but this idea that ADHD is more common in boys than girls may stick with them.

My little brother had a teacher suggest that he get tested for ADHD when he was in Grade 1. I got to grade 11 without a single teacher recognizing the signs despite my report cards filled with comments about being “too chatty with friends,” my backpack always being a disorganized mess, and my quizzes being filled with “silly mistakes” because I was rushing to finish on time or had not noticed part of the instructions. I was forgetful, a huge procrastinator, and would constantly leave things until the last minute. As a child and teenager, I was frequently overwhelmed and anxious. I also had very big emotional reactions, even to minor inconveniences. This was one symptom that my brother and I had in common, but that looked very different for each of us. As a kid, he would rage and tantrum (we called it hulking out), screaming and throwing and destroying. As he got older, this rage showed up as aggressive and mean words that were uncalled for and his go-to response to any minor criticism or annoyance. In contrast, my go-to-reaction when experiencing any big emotion (e.g., fear, disappointment, frustration, even happiness) was and often still is to sob big “crocodile tears,” which typically leads to feeling embarrassed when I know that it is a disproportionate response to the situation. Perhaps if my parents or teachers had a better idea of what to look out for, someone could have said, “I think this may be ADHD,” much earlier on, and I would not have had to go through my first 16 years of life wondering what was wrong with me.

Hindsight is 20/20, but it is too late to turn back the clock. Rather than dwell on the years I could have had with the support and understanding that I needed, I want to focus on spreading awareness so that other little girls with ADHD receive diagnoses earlier and grow up without blaming themselves and asking “Why can’t I just?”

Works Cited

Grskovic, J. A., & Zentall, S. S. (2010). Understanding ADHD in Girls: Identification and Social Characteristics. International journal of special education, 25(1), 171-184. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ890576.pdf

Quinn, P., & Wigal, S. (2004). Perceptions of girls and ADHD: results from a national survey. Medscape general medicine, 6(2). https://www-ncbi-nlm-nih-gov.proxy.queensu.ca/pmc/articles/PMC1395774/