The Struggle Behind Closed Doors

Barb Easter

One thing I wish people knew is how affected individuals internalize the problems associated with ADHD, and struggle behind closed doors.

For a very long time, I felt an immense amount of guilt about my inability to perform in a way I knew I should be able to. My grades were bad not because I didn't understand, but because I couldn't make myself do the homework or pay attention in class. I would spend hours doing menial, unproductive tasks or browsing social media to keep my mind busy because I felt like I always needed to be occupied or active. I would take caffeine pills to stay awake at night because I felt guilty about wasting time sleeping, but find myself unable to actually utilize the extra time.

I didn't know until 6 months ago that my problems were because of ADHD, I just thought that I was lazy. That I was rude for talking over people or forgetting basic requests. I couldn't just sit and watch a movie or listen to an album or read a book like other people could, and I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone. Getting a diagnosis changed my life. More than being medicated, being understood made me feel less alone.

I want neurotypical people to know that ADHD isn't just the outward effects you personally witness or find frustrating. It is something that a lot of us internalize while trying to find answers for behaviours that feel out of our control.

By: Mick, from BC

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