"What’s the matter with me?"
I always felt different. I thought I was weird. I believed I thought differently than other people, and the things others seemed to do easily (like keep their house clean) were things I struggled with. However, there were some things that seemed to come easier to me than to other people.
When I was a little kid, I did not think about these differences so much. However, by the time I was in my 20’s, understanding why I struggled started to be more and more on my mind. I tried my best to fit in, to use strategies for looking after my home, not being late and to get organized, but I was unable to stick to them. What is wrong with me that I cannot follow a simple chore plan?
In university, I learned a lot of different theories to explain behaviour. I always struggled with reading and spelling. “Did I have a learning disability?” I wondered. I grew up in a family where there was alcoholism. Are my struggles the result of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? I wasn’t about to ask my mother about her drinking during pregnancy, but I was pretty sure she likely did. Are the things I struggle with a result of a childhood with family disorganization and chaos, due to childhood trauma? Were these patterns because of an emotionally abusive relationship? So many theories and any of them – or all of them – were true to a certain point. Any of these could explain some of the struggles I had, however none of them felt like the right match.
As I got older, I experienced more anxiety and depression at different times. Was this the underlying cause of the emotional roller coaster that I am often riding? I really believed that anxiety and depression were more situational and at my core I was still a very happy-go-lucky person. I struggled with feeling like I did not fit in, afraid of rejection, feeling like a fraud…I had all sorts of ideas, plans and dreams, but could never seem to put them into action. “What’s the matter with me?” I would often ask myself. Why can’t I just get it together?
Then in February 2022, I attended a presentation at the family health team where I was working. The presentation was by a psychiatrist and was about diagnosing ADHD in primary care. Like many people, when I thought about ADHD, I pictured that 10-year-old boy that can’t sit still and is always getting into trouble. I had many clients/patients who had ADHD and I knew that influenced their lives, however I did not understand exactly how much, or in what ways. I did not address the ADHD or talk about it in any real way with clients/patients. I attended the presentation with an open mind looking for information that would help me to help my clients/patients. Instead, what I heard in the presentation was the psychiatrist describing me! What! She talked about how ADHD presents in girls and women, about inattentive ADHD and the role of hormones. I cannot describe the feeling I had by the end of the presentation, but I wanted desperately to learn more about ADHD.
I spent a lot of time over the next month or so reading about ADHD online and the more I read, the more excited I felt. I always thought that I had “some” ADHD, “some” traits or behaviors, but I was not ‘hyper’! It was shocking, revealing and affirming at the same time as I read about things that others with ADHD do, that I thought I was the only one who did them. The more I learned, the more I saw myself, it felt like it fit. I felt like I had found “my people”! I talked to my family doctor, and she was supportive and then, in Aug 2022, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. In the blink of an eye my whole life made sense!
Today, I understand myself and accept myself more than I ever have in my entire life. Today, I know that I am not weird, stupid, or lazy, that my brain is simply different and that is ok with me. Today, I have a passion to learn everything I can about ADHD and to share it wherever I can.
Those with ADHD have trouble staying focused long enough to complete boring or repetitive tasks, or difficulty with getting started on tasks, managing time, and staying organized. Having a ‘gym buddy’ is known to encourage people to visit the gym and stick to an exercise routine, but can working alongside a ‘body double’ increase one’s productivity both at work and at home?
When someone with ADHD works on tasks or chores alongside another person, this is a practice called “body doubling”. The body double’s job is to help anchor the person with ADHD to the present moment, reducing the risk of distraction and holding them accountable to their task. Two or more people can also work on tasks together on video chat, known as virtual body doubling.
The person you choose to act as your body double should be committed to helping you complete your work, not distracting you with conversation or anything else. Choose someone who usually makes you feel comfortable and safe, and who can encourage you when necessary.
Although there isn’t much formal research to prove the effectiveness of body doubling, it can help ADHDers boost productivity, reduce distraction, increase focus, and improve motivation. More benefits can include:
Introducing body doubling can help ADHD employees feel like they are part of a team and that they have the support of their colleagues. It can help both neurodivergent and neurotypical employees stay focused, motivated and engaged. It can also be a great way to connect with colleagues and build relationships!
Here’s how to establish a body doubling program in the workplace:
1. Start by educating your team about body doubling. Explain what it is, how it works, and why it can be beneficial. You can do this via email, a team meeting, or even a blog post on your company website.
2. Create a dedicated body doubling area in your workplace, such as a quiet corner of the office, or an online space where employees can connect via Zoom, Teams or Google Meet.
3. Encourage your employees to pair up by creating a list of those who are interested in body doubling, or set up a system where employees can sign up for a partner. Not everyone will be comfortable with body doubling, make sure to let employees know that they don’t have to participate if they don’t want to.
4. Track the results of your body doubling program in order to see how it benefits your employees and workplace as a whole. You can do this by setting up an online survey or setting up an anonymous feedback box in an employee common area.
Takeaways
Body doubling can help foster a more positive and supportive work environment. When employees feel like they're part of a team and that they have the support of their colleagues, it can help them feel more motivated and engaged in their work -- leading to a more productive and enjoyable work experience for everyone.
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, fill out our presentation request form!
A suitable working environment can make a huge difference for someone with ADHD. When a person with ADHD leaves a job, they often mention a lack of support from their employer as the main reason why they decide to move on. Managing an employee with ADHD can be very rewarding, provided that time and effort is taken to understand how the disorder impacts the employee and their responsibilities at work.
Here are some of the most common FAQs about ADHD and the workplace.
Q: What is ADHD?
A: Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the most common neurodevelopmental disorder in children and adults, affecting 3-5% of adults and 5-9% of children or 1.8 million Canadians (Riegler et al. 2017, statistics Canada, 2022).
While core ADHD symptoms include hyperactivity, impulsivity, and attention dysregulation; hyperactivity and impulsivity may be less externalized in those diagnosed with ADHD inattentive subtype. ADHD is also known to impair executive functions (EF). Executive functions refer to a range of higher-level skills critical for successful functioning in everyday life, such as planning, organizing, time management, working memory, processing speed, task initiation, emotional regulation, and self-awareness (Gair et al., 2020). Executive functions impact one’s ability to meet deadlines, plan and organize, problem solve, follow instructions, start, and complete a task, and manage emotional outbursts (Villines, 2021).
ADHD is a chronic condition; only 15% of children with ADHD show remission of symptomatic and functional impairment in adulthood (World Federation Guide, 2019). ADHD is highly heritable with rates between 70-90%, meaning if a parent has ADHD, it is highly likely their children will also have ADHD (Faraone and Larsson 2018).
ADHD impacts all areas of a person’s life. Untreated ADHD can lead to devastating consequences over the course of a person’s life. Children are at risk for accidental injuries, educational underachievement, and difficulties with socializing, while adolescents are at risk for early-onset substance use, delinquency, and teenage pregnancy (CADDAC, CADDRA, CanReach, 2022). Many adults fail to reach their full potential, with studies showing increased risk for substance use disorders, accidental injuries, unemployment, gambling, low quality of life, suicide, and premature death (CADDAC, CADDRA, CanReach, 2022).
Q: What are some of the most common ways ADHD appears in the workplace?
A: How ADHD impacts job performance depends on many factors – the type and severity of symptoms, the suitability of the job to the employee’s strengths, and how successfully the employee uses strategies to offset any of their weaknesses. Here are a few of the most common ways that ADHD shows up at work:
Read more at https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Workplace-accomodations-Chart-FINAL.pdf
Q: Should I disclose my ADHD diagnosis at my job?
A: This is a very personal decision and remains a controversial topic. Disclosing your ADHD to those who may not understand the condition could lead to your being viewed negatively, since stigma and misunderstandings about ADHD still exist. On the other hand, if your employer is open to discussing the implementation of accommodations, but requires a reason that they are required, disclosing your ADHD could be very beneficial.
Your employer will need to understand ADHD as a medical condition with symptoms that can impact job performance, both positively and negatively. Providing personal examples of how your ADHD impacts you would be beneficial.
An alternative approach to full immediate disclosure could be to initially meet with your supervisor to request certain adjustments in your work environment that you feel will make you more productive. Work your request from an angle of strength, using positive statements like “I work best in an environment with fewer distractions. More frequent check-ins would help me to stay on track and get those large reports to you on time.” Or try, “I am at my peak efficiency in the early morning when the office is quiet. I was wondering if we could schedule my tasks in order to take advantage of my peak productivity.” Don’t call these “accommodations” unless you have decided to formally disclose. Frame these difficulties in terms of solution-oriented goals.
If you do decide to disclose and receive immediate resistance, you may wish to gently point out to your employer that ADHD is considered a disability by Human Rights Commissions. Although at this point of the discussion, things should be kept as amiable as possible.
Q: I need more support at work. How should I request accommodations?
A: Some adults may feel very uncomfortable requesting any type of special consideration. They may feel that they will be viewed as incompetent or making excuses. They may worry that coworkers may resent them for receiving special treatment. But viewing accommodations as a means to your becoming more productive and ultimately a better employee would be a better way for both you and your employer to view these requests. Before requesting accommodations, take some time to think about:
Q: What are some reasonable accommodations I can request at my workplace?
A: Adults with ADHD will differ in the type and quantity of accommodations required. A process of trial and error may be required to discover the best possible options since ADHD symptoms are very individual. It is important to note that in some cases, just a few simple strategies and accommodations may significantly increase both job performance and job satisfaction. A few examples of reasonable workplace accommodations include:
Read more: https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Workplace-accomodations-Chart-FINAL.pdf
Q: I work from home, how can I stay focused?
A: While working from home, impairments that may have been under control in a structured workplace environment will likely resurface. Inattention, distractibility, hyper focusing and procrastination, difficulty with time-management and organization will probably become more of an issue. Once you understand what could be causing an issue, try putting some of these strategies in place:
Read more: https://caddac.ca/wp-content/uploads/Working-From-Home-with-ADHD-Tips-and-Strategies-2.pdf
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, fill out our presentation request form!
If you’re an adult with ADHD, your skills and weaknesses in the workplace may differ from those of your neurotypical colleagues. It might be harder for you to remain focused on an unstimulating task, stay organized or be able to meet deadlines – which will cause challenges at work. There are three types of ADHD, and knowing which type you have is a good starting point for deciding a career path:
Adults with ADHD change jobs more frequently and have higher rates of unemployment or part-time employment (Kuriyan et al, 2013). With this in mind, choosing a career path that would be a good fit for someone with ADHD could be a challenge. Here are a few things to consider when deciding on which career may best suit you.
What are your interests?
It’s well known that those with ADHD need to be engaged and interested in their field of work in order to maintain attention, be productive and feel fulfilled. Do you get a kick out of analyzing numbers and organizing data? Maybe you like working with your hands and being creative. There isn’t a “perfect job” for people with ADHD, but doing something you’re passionate about will encourage motivation, focus, and lead to higher job satisfaction.
What are your strengths?
The right job will turn your unique ADHD symptoms and traits into strengths and assets. Studies show that people with ADHD tend to be more curious, creative, imaginative, innovative, and inventive – both inside and outside of the workplace. Make a list of your strong suits and think of times when those strengths have led you toward success or recognition. Evaluate whether or not any symptoms like hyperfocus, high energy or impulsivity helped you get the job done. Input from others may be helpful when answering this question!
Is there a pattern to your energy level throughout the day?
Think about your day-to-day energy patterns. Do you notice that you’re more productive in the morning, or you feel more motivated later in the day? Are there specific tasks that make you feel invigorated or drained? All jobs can occasionally include boring or mundane tasks, but some careers might require more physical and mental energy than others, or require work hours outside of a standard 9-5.
Do you need structure, or freedom?
Shift work, flexible hours or a hybrid environment can be beneficial for one person with ADHD, whereas another might require structure and routine to quiet their busy mind. If you tend to get easily overwhelmed, you might do better in a quiet, low-stress workplace that follows a standard day-to-day routine. If you value your autonomy, consider careers that allow you to make your own schedule or work off-site. Knowing what kind of environment you work best in can narrow your search for the ideal career.
Takeaways
Once you have a better understanding of who you are as a person, it’ll be easier to start exploring different career options. It’s important to remember that ADHD is unique. One ADHDer may consider a more low-key office job mentally stimulating, and another might thrive in a fast-paced retail job. The key is to choose a field or specific position that capitalizes on your skills and the traits that make you an asset to any workplace.
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, check out our ADHD in the Workplace Workshop and fill out our presentation request form!
This workshop is designed for Managers and HR Professionals working with people with ADHD. By the end of the workshop, participants will have a deeper understanding of ADHD and how it can impact work performance, as well as practical tools and strategies to ensure employees with ADHD are able to thrive in the workplace.
While those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can have very fulfilling careers, some individuals with ADHD can face several issues in the workplace. ADHD can have a significant impact on an individual's ability to thrive in the workplace. Difficulty with organization, time management, and social and emotional regulation can lead to challenges in productivity, communication, and collaboration with colleagues. Each individual with ADHD deals with a different set of challenges, therefore it’s important to consider their unique skills and strengths to design ADHD-friendly strategies, accommodations, and modification that can be implemented in the workplace.
This engaging workshop will provide an overview of how employees with ADHD may be impacted at work as well as strategies for managing symptoms and maximizing productivity. Managers and HR Professionals will learn tools and strategies to help unlock the potential of employees with ADHD. Participants will learn best practices on how to support and accommodate neurodiversity in the workplace.
Many adults with ADHD can perform their jobs successfully, and find that their ADHD traits (ie: high energy, problem solving, creativity, being able to hyper-focus) are significant benefits in their chosen career. However, some adults with ADHD can struggle in the workplace and with maintaining steady employment. Adults with ADHD are 20% less likely to be employed and earn an average of 16% less than their counterparts (Biederman, et al., 2006). ADHD-ers often cite a lack of support as their reason for leaving a job.
With these statistics in mind, it’s more important than ever for HR professionals and their respective organizations to create a more inclusive environment for employees with ADHD, and offer the chance to maintain a steady, fulfilling career. Here are a few adjustments that not only level the playing field, but support ADHD employees in the workplace:
Open the door to neurodiverse candidates
A culture of acceptance from the get-go is essential for candidates with ADHD to feel comfortable disclosing their condition. Developing a neurodiversity policy will show that your organization welcomes neurodiverse employees to their team. When interviewing new candidates, keep job descriptions clear and limit jargon. Split the job requirements into sections like ‘necessary’ and ‘desirable’, and keep interview questions concise and to the point. Allowing the candidate to use cue cards or notes can be incredibly beneficial, too.
Offer workplace neurodiversity training
People with ADHD can be different to manage compared to neurotypical employees. Everyone who has ADHD has more difficulty regulating their attention and focus, which can cause problems in the workplace. Impairment in regulating attention is experienced as:
By having ADHD awareness training, employees – especially those in management roles – can learn how to unlock the limitless potential of a person with ADHD, and how they can best support them. An understanding of ADHD along with implementing ADHD-friendly workplace accommodations will make it easier to support employees with the disorder and help them succeed by playing to their strengths. If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, fill out our presentation request form!
ADHD coaching for the workplace
Allowing the use of an ADHD coach can help an employee with ADHD develop strategies, systems and routines to better manage challenges they face at work. The individual with ADHD, their supervisor and the ADHD coach can collaborate to set goals and identify any accommodations, improvement opportunities and create a plan of action to lean into the employees strengths and improve upon any weak spots. Employees with ADHD who receive ADHD coaching at work will feel supported and valued.
Keep an open line of communication
Anxiety, intense emotions and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are very common for people with ADHD. Individuals can become activated by perceived or actual criticism, making mistakes, or impromptu meetings. Providing context for unscheduled meetings, making time for regular check-ins and offering positive feedback are a few ways to prevent any unnecessary anxiety and stress. Managers can provide instructions or feedback in writing to help prevent any issues or confusion that might occur with an employee that has ADHD.
Takeaways
Although there is no one-size-fits-all approach to managing employees with ADHD, there are many simple accommodations and strategies that can improve workplace accessibility and reduce ADHD stigma. People with ADHD tend to be creative, enthusiastic, innovative and passionate about tasks that interest them, and can prove to be an incredible asset to any workplace – all they need is to be given the chance to succeed.
If you're interested in working with CADDAC to educate your workplace about ADHD, fill out our presentation request form!
When it comes to nurturing a productive, motivated and happy workplace, a one-size-fits-all management style isn’t always the best route to take. For those with ADHD, a more thoughtful and customized approach might be required to help them thrive at your company. Here are a few ways you can accommodate your employee with ADHD and set them up for success.
Adjust the workplace environment
For those with ADHD, a suitable working environment can make a huge difference. An open-concept office space might work for a neurotypical employee, but someone with ADHD might require a quiet space with minimal distraction. Allowing the use of headphones, white or brown noise machines or sunglasses would also be helpful ways to help manage distractions. However, it’s important to note that what might help one person with ADHD won’t work for another. Just as each human being is unique, ADHD is unique in both symptoms and severity for each person.
Assign tasks based on their strengths
Acknowledging and supporting an employee with ADHD’s strengths will be very validating for them! Allowing them to focus on tasks that emphasize their strengths or interests will let them know they are considered a valuable contributor to your workplace, and have a positive effect on productivity and morale. Work with their symptoms, rather than against them.
Offer a flexible schedule
Time management and problems with sleep are common struggles for those with ADHD, so following a typical 9 to 5 schedule could be very difficult. Some employees might be more productive starting later in the afternoon and working late, whereas others might require frequent, structured breaks throughout the day. Offering flexible work hours to your employees with ADHD can help to regulate their energy levels, reduce the risk of work-related burnout and encourage productivity.
Put instructions and task details in writing
Those with ADHD struggle with executive dysfunction, meaning they can have a hard time with staying organized, time management, processing information, or remembering details of a project or conversation. Allowing them to take notes in meetings and providing thorough instructions in an email or to-do list will make sure important details won’t slip through the cracks. Be sure to include important due dates, timelines or step-by-step instructions for more laborious tasks.
Ask them directly!
Perhaps it goes without saying, but the best thing you can do is ask your employee with ADHD for their input before you make any changes to your workplace and management style. Spend some time getting to know them and take note of any behaviors or habits they struggle with in the workplace. Try not to minimize or brush off the symptoms the employee tells you – work together to brainstorm any possible solutions. After all, they know themselves better than anyone else and will know what accommodations would be most helpful!
Takeaways
As with all employees, over time you’ll begin to understand how each individual works and slowly identify their unique skills and talents. For an employee with ADHD, a bit more attention may be required to yield drastically better results. Taking the time to collaborate and find strategies that help them navigate any trouble spots they’re having in the workplace will make a lasting impact.
Click here for a list of ADHD Symptoms, Impairments and Accommodations in the Work Environment.
Growing up, I never really felt that I was the same as my peers; it wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but I just couldn’t relate or build the connections most did at the time. I seemed like the average kid to most adults when I was growing up, as I liked video games, books, music, movies and school. If someone looked at my grades, I was a good student, and I enjoyed learning. Nothing back then would have made it obvious to someone that in my 30s, I would be diagnosed with ADHD.
Except there were. There were numerous signs that ADHD would be a struggle for me and that my brain wasn’t quite like the rest in how it processed things and worked both to my benefit and detriment whenever it felt like it. That good student:
1) had the messiest desk of anyone in their grade
2) spoke out often and couldn’t wait to give the answer
3) made careless errors in their work even though they knew the answers,
4) forgot things for class
5) would often not do homework unless it would be checked
6) had difficulty fitting in with peers even when they tried to be like the others
7) overreacted to seemingly small things
Nobody looked beyond the good grades and stereotypes that ADHD was solely a busy child who couldn’t sit still and oftentimes misbehaved because that was what people thought it looked like back then. Add in being a girl in the 90s and I would be missed off that alone.
While I was in the process of getting diagnosed at 30, I wondered numerous times if I was wrong and that there was no way I could have ADHD. I figured if all the people I interacted with couldn’t see it, it must not be there. But then I started watching videos on other people who were getting diagnosed late in life and reading as many articles as I could to understand how ADHD can present so differently in people and saw myself in many of the things I watched and read. I was eventually diagnosed with combination type ADHD and it was freeing to be told that I wasn’t wrong this whole time about feeling different from others and that everything in my head was right. It was empowering but it wasn’t entirely without some sore spots.
Though my diagnosis brought a feeling of relief and comfort, it also brought sadness with it. It was hard to look back at my life through the lens of knowing I had ADHD the whole time. I wondered if I would have been better in school or if I would have made more friends or if my childhood would have been a lot less lonely. As a young adult, I may have been more conscious of my impulsivity and not spent money I shouldn’t have or have been a healthier partner to my boyfriends at the time or recognized that not everything is a personal attack when receiving constructive criticism. While I feel this period of mourning a life that didn’t happen was necessary for growth, there is something to be said about not dwelling on it too long because it interferes with the here and now. Take the time to acknowledge the grief but celebrate being here just the way you are.
I can’t say that the celebration period doesn’t have struggles or challenges because it does. My ADHD manifests itself in so many ways and finding a fit for me between medication, strategies and overall lifestyle has been a bit of a whirlwind. I will say that my life is in a much better place post diagnosis because it’s allowed me to make peace with who I am and develop strategies to enhance my life rather than just survive it. If you cannot get a diagnosis for whatever reason (lack of access or finances), please find resources or join ADHD groups with strategies you can use to support your everyday life. We are all in this together and it’s so much better to thrive than survive.
“What would you do differently?” This is a question I am so frequently asked that I have decided to respond to it in this blog about how my children have helped me become a better person. My acupuncturist most recently asked me this question this week when discussing their own child’s teenage adventures. Over the years I have shared in the stories people related to their young ones; and have learned in the end, it is all about relationships. I am a mother and a teacher with ADHD. I also have children who have ADHD. I am an ordinary person who finds joy in everyday things. I believe we can do small things with greatness or great things can be done in small amounts. That helps me when I feel overwhelmed, which can happen with my ADHD. For example, when writing this blog or preparing a meal. As a teacher, I hope to help promote, inspire, or support greatness in small amounts every day. As parents, it would be difficult to inspire greatness in everything we did but rather, our children are remarkably great and so are we.
Even an octopus does not multitask. Do one thing at a time. Mindfully being present in my activities has helped ease my anxiety about having to retain information from conversations while simultaneously completing non-related activities. The art of conversation is hard to find at present with the busyness of modern society and technological devices. Spending time and purposefully being present with my children during their conversations is one of my favorite pastimes. Simply listening, without judgment or correction, has allowed them to develop their thoughts and feelings. Learning to listen, without trying to guide or interject, has taken time. As a parent with ADHD and children with ADHD, there are always so many thoughts that want or need to be shared. However, learning when it is appropriate is another matter. I have learned that sometimes it is necessary to listen first and wait to respond later. Feelings can be big and need space. Our children can have the last word and most of the time, they need our presence more than our voice.
Perfection is not required. However, as a parent I desperately tried to achieve this with every lunch and snack I packed for the children. Each was a non-repeating, 45-minute process, of allergy-conscious, selective-eating, healthy options, budget-limited selections. Every item was carefully chosen for its maximum health potential, likelihood to be eaten, and economic affordability. I wanted the children to find healthy food options in their lunches that supported their neurodevelopment. Ensuring the children had an abundance of food for school and the perfect lunches was a way I tried to protect them from possible negative adult perceptions. In this way, the children’s behavior couldn’t be blamed on poor food choices, lack of nutrition, or neglect. As the children aged, they began to take part in sponsored lunch programs, buying cafeteria food, trading lunches, and even asking to meet up with me for lunch. As I became more comfortable and adapted to advocating for my children, I focused less on what was in their lunches and more on what was in their classroom. It is a process.
Worrying has never stopped anything from happening, including worrying. I worried then and I worry now. For both my children and me, our journey with ADHD occurs with Anxiety. The substance of my anxiety has changed regarding my children as they have aged and have taken on more of their responsibilities. Gone are the days of having to remember tests, assignments, birthday parties, and extra pairs of shoes. The floors have walked bare and the chairs rocked for hours, waiting for phone calls or for children to come home. Children leave when emotions get too big when words fail, friends call, days are long, or adventures await. My worry turned every scenario into the worst possible situation for my children. Every time they were late or chose a friend I did not approve of, I let their diagnosis of ADHD overshadow their creativity, independence, and interpretational skills. When things go astray, ADHD can create a big “WHAT IF” monster in my head. Children do choose their friends and do stay out late. They will get bruises and get hurt. Worry has never stopped my children from any of things. Being there for them has helped them heal when it has.
Even though I feel like motherhood has given me “the pink slip” now, my children still tell me I am needed. Even as an older mom, I still learn new things about motherhood as a mom with ADHD and with older kids with ADHD. Nothing is ever complete, like laundry or the dishes. They stay piled forever. If people want to see a perfect house, they can watch television or watch a magazine. My family is not perfect, and I am not raising a house. Your home can be clean without causing you anxiety or worry. Since several members of our home have ADHD how we try to accomplish things in the home is completely different. This used to cause communication issues, and emotional tension, and consequently, not a lot was accomplished. Through counseling and learning better communication skills and spending more time listening, I learned that sometimes getting things done gets in the way of relationships. My children helped to teach me a different type of organization system where things can be visualized. They also taught me how to delegate tasks and break down jobs into smaller ones. As a single mother, I was used to doing everything myself, and being able to hyperfocus, I was able to complete tasks without issue. However, the children taught me work will always be there but sunny days or freshly fallen snow are to be enjoyed. Take the time to make memories, they will keep you company when the children are grown.
A lot of adults with ADHD don't feel like they worry too much or are too sensitive, but whenever I talk to my friends about how they see me, everyone says the same few things: I'm easily upset and sometimes I have 'drama' if something doesn't go my way.
I was diagnosed as a child and over the years I've learned that ADHD is so much more than a problem with distractions and forgetfulness. It's in every corner of my brain and personality...from reading, to overfeeling and oversharing emotions, to dealing with work processes and conflicts, to keeping a tidy house.
The people problems are the worst. I can't tell if my feelings of rejection are legit or made up. Feeling rejected is more painful to me than an injury. It physically hurts. Every time I feel threatened by someone else's rejection, I overreact and the cycle begins again.
There were years where I struggled to hold down a job and interact socially because the net result of my rejection cycle left me so anxious at the thought of getting into another rejection cycle with someone left me too anxious to function. No one in my life could even tell whether praise or criticism would set off another emotional bomb.
These days, I find it easier to avoid upsets. I work remotely from my home and can plan when I go out to meet the world. I am really assertive with managing my mental health and boundaries. The best way for me to do this? I shut off the TV, click “unfollow” on my social media accounts, and limit anyone who disturbs my peace. I also get out into nature - I feel better after some fresh air and movement.
I have a hyperactive mind and body, and I'm discovering that exercising my hyperactivity by using my body and neurodiverse mind the way they were created (that is, not in front of a screen) is the best way that I can rebalance myself with my ADHD and mental health.
It's still a journey but some days I actually feel like I'm winning when I consistently take care of myself.
